Gerard Way Oneshots

#29: Alone On New Year's Eve

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If you know someone out there who is feeling lonely, show some love to them. And to those who are lonely: know that there are people out there who love you.

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Gerard's Perspective

I had fallen into a fathomless chasm. There was no possibility of escaping, because the grey was pulling me under and dragging my hand farther and farther down with it. The emptiness and heartbreak of feeling completely alone filled my lungs with a heave, and then a sigh. I was done with the exhaustion. My body could no longer fight to stay out of the abyss. I let my body continue to plummet down.

The grey chasm wouldn't kill me. There was absolutely no danger in the deep hole, only ashen walls that mocked my overwhelming feeling of being completely companionless.

And I couldn't ever get out.

***

Of course, I didn't want to spend my New Year's Eve this way. Worse, I didn't want to start off a new year feeling so hopeless. The beginning of a new year was supposed to be a second chance. At the end of a year, everybody has the ability to leave their awful traits behind and regenerate into a better version of themselves. However, not everybody chooses to do so.

I was definitely capable of eating, sleeping, and getting up, but I had no motivation to. The couch was my go-to place. I could lay there for hours and hours without anyone there to comfort me, or to tell me to get up and see the world. Half of me enjoyed this.

Because being by myself was a usual thing, I had gotten used to it. I felt relieved when sleeping alone, because it was all I had ever known.

But loneliness was not something to be enjoyed. In reality, my heart ached. I was longing for someone, anyone, to be here with me.

The strange thing was that I happened to be feeling okay yesterday. I was out in public, and able to socialize without feeling down. Once dawn faded to dusk, the withdrawal of my happiness had begun.

The snow was no help. I was shivering there on the couch, with a plug-in heated blanket and a warmer hoodie. This revealed just how empty I really was. Even with all of these things to help me comfort myself, there were pieces missing.

I didn't bother to turn on the television. There was no use in watching friends be with friends and the flashy commotion of thousands of people gathered in one area.

The clock ticked blatantly. It was a rather annoying sound, but it began to soothe me throughout the night. It was something that always kept going, and something that I could could on to never leave me. The ticking of the wall clock was a source of comfort.

As I tossed around, hoping for sleep, I reflected on how the past year went. Sure, I had done some honorable things, but only the sorrowful memories poured into my thoughts. So many of my friends had left me because I wasn't good enough. So many positive people that I had looked up to in my life passed away. Such horrible hate crimes had been committed this year.

New Year's was not a time for me to frolic around with strangers, drunk and oblivious to anything in the world that had some dark twist to it.

And I spent the rest of that evening lying on the couch with tears welling my eyes as the clock struck midnight.

Another lonely year over.

Another lonely year beginning.

The chasm really was real, and it consumed me in the darkness.

I was falling.