Gerard Way Oneshots

#25: The End Is Near

{^AMBIENCE INCLUDED^}

Trigger Warning: panic attacks

Note: If this is medically inaccurate, please do not come after me for it. I have never been in a situation like this before.

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I knew something wasn't right. The look on Gerard's face was starting to scare me. He stood completely still as he sang cautiously, his eyes frantically searching for a point to focus on. The others were looking at him with concerned expressions, because they could hear the shakiness in his voice.

Something was wrong. 

There was one song left after this one. It was always the classics at the end that they got tried of playing. They were in the middle of Welcome to The Black Parade, which wasn't lively at all. Even Frank stopped throwing himself around on the stage.

All I could wonder about was what could be going through Gerard's head. He was anxious, and I could sense tell that immediately. He just looked so afraid. I knew exactly what he was going to do, too. He was going to tough it out and say that he was okay to keep going. Clearly, he was not okay and everyone could see it.

Helena started quickly after Welcome to The Black Parade. They were all eager to get off to see what was wrong with Gerard. I was just as worried as they were. He was never like this at shows. The summer 2012 tour was only halfway over.

He had a tight grip on the microphone stand, and his muscles were tense. He barely made it through the song.

Once the lights went off and the curtain went down, he ran backstage. He flew right past me, heading straight for the end of the hallway.

"Gerard?" I called after him, with Ray, Frank, and Mikey right behind me.

"Gerard, what's happening?" Mikey said frantically.

I pulled Frank over with me. "You guys stay here. He doesn't like people surrounding him when he's anxious. I'll let you know if we need backup."

Ray held Mikey back.

We ran to catch up with him, seeing where he'd go. He reached the end of the hallway and stopped, shaking like a leaf. He threw his back against the wall, sliding down to the ground with his head in his hands. I lowered to the ground and knelt next to him, my hands on his shaky shoulders. I knew how to help with his anxiety.

"Breathe, Gerard. Breathe with me."

We both took slow, deep breaths. He was starting to do okay, until his breathing pace quickened and he started to wheeze.

"I-I c-can't breathe," he whimpered and coughed. His whole body shook uncontrollably. "The walls are closing in, I-I can't-"

"The walls aren't moving. You're safe here, Gee. Breathe in and out. Counts of four. Just like we used to do, okay?" Frank said to him nervously.

He shut his eyes tightly and tried to breathe again. It was impossible. He was too panicky to let the air in.

"Get security, or something. Call 911. And please don't scare Mikey," I said to Frank. He nodded took off running instantly. I could already hear him shouting information on the phone.

"Help is coming," I said to Gerard. "You're gonna be okay. Just try to relax for a minute."

He latched onto my chest, in so much fear that all he could do was cling to me for dear life. I held him as close as I could, hoping that it would calm him in some form.

"Gerard, tell me what you're seeing," I told him, trying to get him to focus on something else.

He still tried to suck in short breaths. "I-I see red. And green. E-everything is distorted. I didn't take anything before the show started. My anxiety is jetting. My hearing is going out."

This was what usually happened before a person passed out. I started to panic too, still holding onto him as tight as possible. His body was so limp in my arms.

Frank came running in about a minute later. "Ambulance is here. We gotta get you to the hospital, Gerard. They can help you a lot better than we can. C'mon, we have to get him outside."

"I got him," I said and pulled his legs over my arm, lifting him slowly off the ground. He wasn't hard to carry. I carried him many times before.

"Stay with us," Frank said. "Don't close your eyes yet. You're strong. Fight it."

We walked down the hallway as quick as we could. Close to the doors, we met with a very nervous Ray and Mikey.

"Panic attack," Frank said breathlessly to the two of them. "We can't get him out of it. He can't breathe."

The team of paramedics made their way into the backstage area where we were standing.

Mikey had the same, worried expression on his face. He reached out to touch his brother's arm as his eyes grew teary.

"We're gonna have to get him out of here without causing a commotion. There are thousands of fans out in the parking lot trying to get home," Ray said. "We can't have them see."

"It's the only way we can get him in the ambulance," a medic replied. "We'll try and be quick. It'll be hard to get out of this parking lot."

We eventually got him outside without causing too much chaos. People saw us, but we ignored them and kept going. The paramedics had to pry him out of my arms to place him on a stretcher. He was drenched in sweat and still wheezing air.

"We will put him out. Is that okay?" Another paramedic asked.

"Whatever will help," I said immediately.

The four of us stood in the ambulance. We had our eyes glued on Gerard, as the doctors placed an oxygen mask on his face. He started to breathe heavier and trash around while the medics tried to hold him down. The mask over his mouth and nose made him feel even more trapped, but it was the only way to keep him breathing. They told us that he would be asleep from the air in a minute or two.

Frank made the rest of the quick calls to the tour manager, bus driver, and even Gerard's parents. He said the same thing to all: that we were taking Gerard to the hospital because of a severe panic attack.

"It's a good thing that we have tomorrow off," Ray said with an arm around Mikey.  "It'll give him time to recover."

Once the paramedics were done doing their thing, I leaned down next to him. "You can stop fighting it now," I said softly. "You're gonna be okay. Focus on my voice until you fall asleep. You are strong. You stayed awake for as long as you could. You have all day tomorrow to recover. We will all be there to help when you wake up."

With that, his eyes closed and his breathing slowly returned to normal. I kissed him on the forehead and pushed the sweaty, red hair out of his face.