Daycare|Cricky [C]

24|Aftermath♤

●○Week Fourteen○●

Why am I so fucking stupid? I just pushed away the fucking boy that made everything better for me. He was there for me when I had a nightmare, there for me with TJ, there for me when I was scared of losing him. My dumbass already lost him.

He left last Monday. I haven't eaten since then. I go to work, come home, cry, write, sleep. That's it. I stopped speaking to Angelo. It was stupid of me to believe what he was saying.

God, I'm such a terrible person. I damn well nearly beat the shit out of my lover over something he probably didn't even do. I've tried calling him, but he doesn't answer me.

He haunts me, I swear. I can't fucking look at anything without thinking of my beautiful blue eyed baby, who doesn't fucking love me anymore. Ricky, I do love you. I always will.

I let out a sigh as I wrote in the last line of the last page of my notebook. In a week, I was able to pour out my feelings onto paper. Just poetry, songs, drawing, writing. All of it, about my lover.

Balz isn't even calling me anymore. He just comes over twice a day to make sure I haven't fucking ended it. Sometimes, I really think about it. I feel empty without Ricky here with me.

He's in his fourteenth week, now. My baby is a little over the size of a peach, and I'm not able to be there. I hope he'll take me back soon. I need him here with me so fucking bad.

I threw my pen across the room. "Fuck!" I yelled, setting my hands on either side of my head. Thoughts are coming back. The ones I don't like. "It's just been a week, you fucking pussy.."

Just fucking do it. You ruined it. End it.

I tugged my hair. "No... Not yet. Later." I mumbled, feeling a twinge behind my eyes.

You're useless. Your music is awful. You're better off dead. Do it, faggot. Kill yourself.

The voices from the people in high school taunted me, causing me to me out broken sobs. "N-No!"

I was broken. Ricky fixed me, but leaving broke me.

Call him, Chris. Go to him.

"No, no, no. He hates me. Don't call." I muttered to myself.

Fucking call him.

I was trembling. I reached for my phone, and dialed his number. I memorized it by heart.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three.

"Stop calling me, Chris-"

"I need you back!" I sobbed. "Ricky, th-the voices! I can't do it!"

"Chris... Hush. You're okay. Have Balz come over." He said blandly.

"No. Come back. Please. I-I need you. Ricky, I'm losing it without you!" I cried. "I'm so, so sorry! I never meant to hurt you, and-"

He hung up. He doesn't care.

"Okay." I whispered. I stood up and stepped into the bathroom, grabbing one of the razors I used to shave my eyebrows.

Do it.

"Shut up! I am doing it." I snapped back at the voice, using a nail file to separate the blades from the plastic. They were small, but I didn't care. I slid down the wall and took off my shirt.

The old scars on my ribcage area were so old. They needed to be touched up. Taking one of the blades in my hand, I held it up to the light.

"My friend, my faithful friend..." I sang, before dragging the blade across my side. It stung a lot, since the cut was so small, yet long. Felt good to get back in the swing of things..

Why am I doing this..? I can get Ricky back...

No you can't.

///

After a few more hours of sobbing and begging for forgiveness on the phone, I gave up for the day. Sending him a quick goodnight text, I laid on the couch.

Chris: I know you don't want to talk to me. Hell, I wouldn't either. It is getting late, Baby Doll. I love you. Sweet dreams... ❤

I sighed, pulling a pillow to my chest. I couldn't even step into the bedroom, it felt like. I could smell his cologne on everything. I miss Ricky so damn much.

The text tone from my phone brought a small wave of hope to my entire body. I smiled after unlocking it.

Ricky, My Love: Go to sleep, Chris. I love you too. Stop calling me. Stop texting me. When you actually think that you can trust me, then by all means, show me. Let me be proved wrong.

I sighed. "At least he still loves me... I'll get him back somehow." Shortly after saying that, an idea popped into my head. I sat up abruptly. "Balz, you better pick up the motherfucking phone."

///Ricky's POV///

"Ryan, I think he's lost it." I whispered, shutting off my phone as I looked up at my best friend.

He pulled me closer as we snuggled. No, he's not my rebound. He's just being a good friend and comforting me. "What makes you say that?"

I set my phone down on the bed beside me. "When Angelo left Chris, Chris was in a seriously depressed state. He, uh.. Harmed himself, tried to take his life. He called me earlier, while you were making coffee, saying something about voices." I explained, taking a breath.

I love Chris with everything I have. When he said 'voices', worry flooded my body. I really hope he isn't hurting himself. The scars he has are covered up by tattoos, but they're still visible and raised. He can fuck himself up.

"I'm sure he's just saying that so you'll take him back." Ryan shrugged. "He just wants to make you feel like the bad guy, here, Ricky. Don't listen to him."

I sighed softly, resting my head on his chest. "I do miss him, though, Ryan. He truly means the world to me." I spoke quietly with a yawn. "He was my first everything. First kiss, first time, first boyfriend, first relationship... I just cant believe it's all over now."

Ryan sighed and pet my hair. "All good things must come to an end."

This chapter was a bit shitty. Stressed out, due to the holiday season. Also, if you caught on to that Sweeney Todd reference, give yourself a pat on the fucking back. Fuckin' love that movie.

I rather enjoy asking questions at the end of each chapter. I think that I'll make that a usual thing.

1) What do you think Chris' plan is?

2) Anything you'd like to see next?

3) Why do you think Angelo behaved the way he did?

-Ricky