Ivy
******
I cried and cried after being told that my daughter didn't have a heartbeat...
As if things weren't bad enough I had to go through the whole process of being induced and actually giving birth.
I felt completely numb. My heart hurts.
First Ms. Monica, now my daughter, I can't take anymore.
•
"You can tell she is was gonna be Jayon's twin." I cried looking at her.
They offered for me to hold her. I was scared to for some reason, but I didn't wanna regret it later.
Jigz just watches us then he ends up walking out of the room.
They asked if we wanted a picture, handprints, and footprints, I said yes to everything.
•
After a couple hours I wanted and needed Jigz back next to me. Even though he hasn't said much he's been my hand to hold. Along with Ms. Angie.
"Can you go get Jayon for me?" I ask Ms. Angie.
She nodded getting up leaving the room.
"He's not out there." She said when she came back a couple minutes later.
"Did you check in the waiting room at the end of the hall?" I ask. "When he left earlier that's where the nurse said he was."
"Yeah, he's not there I think he left."
"He fuckin left?" I asked as a question.
I grabbed my phone calling him just to receive the voicemail. What the fuck.
•
"I'm gonna go upstairs quick and grab a coffee and a snack, okay?" Ms. Angie said getting up.
"Okay." I mumbled as I continued to try to get in touch with Jigz. He wasn't even answering his work phone.
"Excuse me. I asked you to stay at the nurses station until I can get approval for you to be in this room." I heard making me roll onto my back and look towards the door.
Tashae and her mom were entering my hospital room with my nurse behind them.
"I wanna know what happened to my grandbaby and I'm not leaving until I get answers." Their mom said.
"I will call security miss." The nurse said.
"I just wanna know whose fault this is. That must come from her unknown side of the family because my side doesn't have any type of problems that can cause problems in a baby to make it stillborn."
"Get the fuck out." I said speaking up.
"Tink, you know-"
"Get the fuck out!" I yelled this time cutting her off.
"And don't come back because I'll slap your hoe ass and your daughter." Ms. Angie said now standing in the doorway.
Just then security entered the room to remove the both of them.
"I'm gonna put in that you don't want anymore visitors, is that fine?" The nurse asked.
I nodded, "Please."
I started to feel weak.
"Are you okay?" The nurse asked coming over towards me.
"She's hemorrhaging." I heard her say before she pushed a button on the wall making an alarm go off.
•
They got my bleeding under control quickly so I wouldn't require a blood transfusion or even worse ending up in the OR.
I continued to try and call Jigz. With still no luck. I need him.
"Ms. Monica I need you." I said out loud wishing she was here with me.
.....
"Yo Ms. Angie what hospital Tink at? Me and Deandre down here and these people telling me there's no patient here with her name." I heard Slim's loud mouth coming from her phone.
Ms. Angie looked at me and I shook my head no.
"She doesn't want any visitors right now, Slim."
"But it's me." I heard him say. "It's us."
"I know Slim, but not right now."
"Okay. Well I'll try again tomorrow. Tell my best and only sister I love her. We love her."
A little while later a nurse came in with a huge vase of flowers, a bear, and a couple balloons.
"From a Slim and Deandre." She said placing them near the window.
I love you for life my nigga. I read the card it made me smile on the inside even tho it was just for a second. Only those two. My boys forever.
The next day in the hospital I was woken up by somebody walking into my hospital room. I look and see it's my social worker.
"Please don't do this, not now. I'm obviously not in the mood nor do I have the energy." I said.
"Damnit, Ivy." She said grabbing the bridge of her nose. "I know you've been through a lot the past few months."
"Not now." I said again.
"But I'm gonna let you stay with Ms. Angie the next couple months. It's obviously not allowed, but-" She sighed. "You've been through enough."
I sighed relieved that she wasn't about to try to give me hell on top of hell.
•
I had to stay in the hospital for a few days before being discharged.
My first stop after leaving the hospital was Jigz apartment.
He hasn't been answering my phone calls, Ms. Angie's phone calls, nobody's. Everybody that I tried to get a hold of him for me were all failed attempts.
We pulled up to him walking out with a bag.
"Jayon!" I shouted getting out the car going up to him.
He ignored me.
"Jayon, what the fuck." I said grabbing his shirt to stop him.
"Move Ivy." Was all he said still avoiding eye contact with me.
"Don't do this. We are both hurting I need you just as much as you need me right now. "
"Please!" I begged pulling on his shirt wanting him to look at me.
"I promise you I won't beg you again. You leave that's it for my fighting for you."
"I can't do this shit." He said.
"Oh my god, you're high." I said when he finally looked me in my eyes.
His eyes were completely glossed over, bugged out, and red letting me know he's using again.
He grabbed my hands pulling them from his shirt before continuing to his car.
A was frozen for a while, but then I somehow ended up snapping and cussing while pulling on his car handle to kicking the side of his car as hard as I could all while crying.
Ms. Angie pulls me away as he drives off.
"We don't need you hemorrhaging again. You're suppose to be on bedrest."
"I hate him." I cried.
"Come on Tink." She said making me get back into her car.
"I swear the next time I see him I'm gonna spit on him."
Ms. Angie sighed starting the car.
I hate him.
