meet me on the rooftop at midnight

013 》my escape

• colours // halsey •

They sat on her bed with their legs crossed in front of each other. Kaede didn't say anything. She kept quiet, knowing Jax needed time to collect his words. Then he began, "He told me he'd been looking for me since I left. Willow didn't know. He'd been doing it quietly. The only reason he came to the city was that the gallery's website had put a couple of my paintings online." He chuckled dryly, saying, "He said he was proud of me."

"That's good, isn't it?" she asked.

"Anthony Castle doesn't know what proud feels like. Even with Will, he was never proud. Not since—" he cut himself off with a heavy sigh.

Kaede reached out for his hand, and he let her. Jax was staring up at the painting of the Brooklyn Bridge above her bed, the one she'd told him she got from her cousin Brooklyn as a joke. He took a breath and continued.

"He started out with proud, then slowly he went to 'you should have never left,' and 'you weren't depressed, you were just sad,' and 'it was selfish of you to have left your sister when she was hurting, too.'"

"No kid should have to deal with that from their parents," she said, knowing exactly how it felt to have a parent have no faith in you, and only show disappointment and resentment.

Jax turned to her, ignoring the look of pity in her eyes that he had wanted so desperately to avoid. "Yeah? Welcome to my life. I've been a disappointment since my teens." He paused again, then said, "He used to be happy, he did. But then he broke. Him, probably more than Will and I. He was stronger and didn't really show how much pain he was in."

Kaede was a little confused, wondering what had happened in the Castle family that could have had such an impact.

"I was depressed for a while and art was my escape," he said. "The world outside didn't exist when I had a paintbrush in my hand. I went to school for a couple years as an art major, but being in a class and being told what to paint and how to paint... I just couldn't do it. So I dropped out, much to my father's dismay. Told me to either enroll back in or get a practical job because 'being an artist doesn't put food on the table, not with your skills'," he mimicked with a deep, condescending voice.

He took another deep breath before he proceeded, and Kaede stayed quiet, taking in his words.

"So I left. I left my dad, and Willow, even though I knew what that'd do to her. I just couldn't live with him. I took Pogo, and we found this place. Now I can paint however much I want."

She was quiet a moment, deciding whether or not she should ask the question bouncing around her mind. "What happened to you?"

"My mom died. Cancer."

Kaede sighed, closing her eyes a moment. "I'm sorry," she said lowly.

"It was no one's fault. I was sixteen when I lost her, and I just didn't react properly, I guess. Doctors diagnosed me with depression. I still struggle with it sometimes, but I'm managing." He chuckled humourlessly. "Seems like we've both got baggage."

She smiled sadly at him. "How do you deal?"

"Painting, and... you," Jax admitted, looking down at his lap.

"How do I help?" she asked curiously.

He sighed, meeting her eyes. "Before you, I would drink and smoke and fuck to get my mind off myself, but it didn't fill the void. You keep me happy, Kae. I haven't needed the other stuff since you came into my life. I know how heavy a burden that sounds, but just by you being you... I smile more, and I haven't done that a lot lately."

***

Jax ended up on the floor, his back against the side of the mattress and Kaede's arms dangling beside him as she lay on her stomach on the bed.

"Are you ever going to let me see your work?"

"My paintings?" he asked, eyes widening. "Never."

"Why not?" she asked, a hint of hurt in her voice as she propped her elbows up and rested her chin in her hands.

"I don't let people I like see my stuff." He craned his neck to look at her. "I wouldn't want to subject them to that."

"Oh, come on. You're selling your work to a big-time gallery. You must be good."

"Oh, I am," he said, that famous Jax Castle charm seeping through his smirk. "I don't want to discourage anyone with my outrageously beautiful artwork. Now that just wouldn't be kind."

"Wow," she said, dragging out the word in astonishment. "You are so full of yourself. Holy shit, why am I even friends with you?" Kaede said with a laugh, lifting herself up to sit cross-legged near the edge of the bed.

Jax used her happy attitude to his advantage to finally give her an apology. He sat up to his knees; they were at eye level given her being six inches shorter in height, and her bed is very close to the ground.

"Listen," he said, gently taking her hands in his. "You've become one of the best friends I've ever had, and believe it or not, I'm not very good at making friends." Kaede smirked at him, and he spoke again before she could. "And I just want to say that you being mad at me... it's hell for me. I don't like it when you're mad at me. I'd rather you be mad at other people, and I be there as emotional support."

Jax realized he was rambling and stopped for a second to try to make sense in his head. She brushed her hand on his cheek for a moment, smiling up at him. "Jax... I wasn't that mad at you. I overreacted. You didn't want to share something with me, and I should've respected that."

"No, no. You were right. I did lie. I just didn't want to admit the shit that was going on so I... I'm sorry. I just can't lose you."

She threw her arms around his shoulders, putting her face in his neck.

He chuckled lightly, wrapping his own arms around her waist. He felt her open her mouth to respond, but he cut her off. "Don't say anything. You'll ruin the moment."

She laughed onto his skin, and he smiled at the warmth she gave off. 

•••

i know cody is only one inch taller than maia, but jax is six feet tall and kaede is 5'6 in case there was any confusion