Does She Feel The Same? ~ lapidot

The Surgery pt.2

Peridot's POV

   Ever since the doctor told me my surgery was in 2 days. I've been really worried. I've already accepted the fact that I like Lapis, but there's a chance I might not make it out of this surgery. So it's settled. I have to confess to Lapis within the next two days. I must let my feelings be known, but how? It has to be extravagant if I'm going to confess my feelings and her accept them. Who am going I kidding? She would never accept my feelings . . .   I'm worthless. No Peridot! Don't think like that. Wether Lapis likes me or not, I'm confessing!

I've only got two days so I better start planning. There isn't really much I can do to make it extravagant then just come out and say it. I'm basically handicapped, so I can't really go out and get her anything. I guess I'll just have to think up an endearing speech. So I pretended to go to sleep, but I was putting together a speech that described how I came to love her and all that other cheesey stuff.
But the strange thing is. When I pretended to go to sleep I heard Lapis  leave the room. Maybe she just had to go get something. I had my eyes closed for so long that I actually did fall asleep.
                    
              Peridot's Dream
        
   I woke up and Lapis had come back and she was sitting in a chair. She saw that I was awake and tried to start a conversation. Oh man I was supossed to confess to her today but I fell asleep and didn't finish my speech. Oh, forget the speech, I'm just gonna go with what's in the top of my head. I cut Lapis off. " Listen Lapis, I haven't known you for very long, but that hasn't stopped me from developing feelings. Feelings that confused me at first, and I didn't want to accept them because I was afraid of rejection. But none of that matters now, regardless of how you feel. I know in my heart that I've developed feelings for you. And I'm ready to accept your answer. " Lapis had a look of disgust on her face. " You!?! You think that because I had the common curtacy to take care of you for a little while, that it means were dating or something?!? Just the thought disgusts me! Goodbuy Peridot. " and with that she left. I gave her my heart, and she shattered it.
*dream ends*

I woke up with tears streaming down my face. Thank god Lazuli wasn't back yet. I dried my tears and a wave of fear and regret rushed over me. I never finished my speech! And because of that dream I'm nervous as ever! What if I'm rejected? Of course I'll get rejected, I mean look at me . . .
I don't even know if she's gay!
And as if on cue, Lapis walked in. I quickly pretended to be asleep again. She walked in and I heard her put something at the foot of my bed. The surgery was today so I was just going to have to say what I was feeling off of the top of my head. So I did my best  impression of waking up. She greeted me, but she was stuttering a lot. 'Weird, she never stutters.' I thought. I greeted her casually, and I was about to begin my confession, but I was cut off.
" Listen Peridot, the first second I met you I thought we were gonna be friends. But for I little while now. I've felt something more than friendship. It was something, more. I just thought that you'd never feel the same way as I felt about you, so I kept these feeling locked up. But I've realized them now, and I'm ready to accept your answer. And Peridot, whether you accept these feelings or not I still think we can be great friends. " then she started giving me candy,  roses, presents, and even a poster from the all the kids at school. I had never received so much attention in my life. I had never gotten a gift or been faced with anything like this, it all sounded too good to be true. That's when all of these thoughts started clouding my mind. She doesn't really like you, this all a joke. Your terrible, worthless, no one loves you, especially not her. I bet someone put her up to this and she's gonna laugh about it later. I really believed these thoughts because I have never been shown love, not even by the little family I have left. I confronted her.
" Why are you really doing all
this? " I asked, expecting her to say this was all a joke. " To make the girl I love laugh and smile. " I still thought it was a joke, so I confronted her a second time. " If this is some kind of sick joke it's not funny! "  I shouted not caring who heard.
" I see why you think I'm joking . . . " when Lapis said that I became confused. Is she joking? She has to be . . . maybe not.
" What do you mean by that? " I asked, genuinely confused. 
" I mean I was stupid to think that in a million years you would even pretend to like me. " maybe she is being sincere. " I mean just look at me! I'm nothing, worthless, garbage that needs to be thrown away! I'm sorry for wasting your time. And burdening you with my love. " she had been crying for some time now, and after hearing those words, I knew she was serious. I even knew she was serious about what she had said about herself. I don't know why, but it angered me that someone as beautiful and perfect as her has to feel that way toward themselves. All of that anger and emotion I was feeling exploded with one outburst. " What are you talking about?!? " I still think this has to be a joke. Someone like her doesn't just like someone like me.
" This has to be a joke, someone put you up to this, someone like you could never love someone like me, NOT EVEN MY FAMILY LOVES ME!!! " the evil truth slipped out. I continued to say whatever happened to be on my mind. " Your amazing, perfect, flawless, beautiful, and I'm me! Me, the depressed, short girl at school that never talks to anyone and gets abused by her parents almost every single day! " even more of the truth about my family slipped out. I had stopped to take in some air. I tried to continue to talk but something cut me off. It was a pair of lips crashing into mine. It was Lapis!?! I hesitated at first because I was confused but eventually caved in to the kiss and went along with it
. Our lips moved in sink like we had been practicing for years, and a long the line it got more rough. We battled for dominance. She was good. But I had a few tricks up my sleeve. I won the kissing battle, and before it could escilate anymore, I pulled away for air. I was so confused on why she kissed me, but I couldn't help but feel happy. " Don't be ridiculous, your perfect, nothing will ever change that. No matter how many insecurities you think you have, I think your flawless. " I was so overwhelmed with joy that I didn't even realize the doctor had entered the room. But his voice brought me back to reality. " We're ready for you in the surgery room Peridot. . . "