No One Can Take Me Away

I Can't Speak.

When I can't talk or speak with words.

I write in this book.

To show my emotions, feelings, true or false words.

Sometimes I can talk.

But it feels like it's on autopilot.

Even though it's not.

I know it's not.

Because I can speak.

I know I can.

It's just I choose not to.

But sometimes when I have to.

I can't find the right words.

And then I become a jumbled up mess.

Even when I have to do some public speaking...

It's the worst...

Public speaking, I stutter and then have a small awkward silence.

I become embarrassed and wanna run away and hide.

Normal mode, is when I am in a 'normal' classroom.

I talk to a few, then become quiet for the rest.

In gym class, I have really no one to actually open up to.

I just talk when I really need to.

Since it's no use if I actually talk to someone.

Will they really listen?
Of course not.

At lunch, I see my friends.

I talk randomly and become loud.

Next thing you know I suddenly out of nowhere I become silent.

I don't talk.

But I observe.

Then I talk again.

There's other classes I just completely shut down and don't even say anything.

Only to my friends.

Either I have something weird come up to my mind then I say.

Or someone really important asks me a question then I just answer to them nicely.

If it's just a simple question from someone then I answer simply.

But really, I can't speak sometimes.

Sometimes, I like it.

Sometimes, I hate it.

It's a love and hate relationship.

Just like I have on everything in life really.

So I like talking to myself other than people.