I Should Have Stayed

Chapter 11

"Hey Jess. What's up?"

"Fuck you."

There was silence on the other end for a moment. "What happened?"

"Strike two, that's what happened."

"What do you mean?"

"You set me up with an angry client and look what happens. He almost shoots me. Also, apparently our guys killed his bodyguards about a week ago. And who was in charge then? Not me. You have a simple job! Be the leader for once and actually keep control of the gang! Or I'll come back and do it myself if you're so incapable. I also heard you couldn't handle sending a shipment to the right place after someone already bought it.

"Just remember this is strike two of three. One more and you get a mouthful of bullets. Count on it."

"Jess-"

I hung up the phone and put it in my pocket. Lindsey and Ava got into the car and it was silent for almost the whole ride back.

Lindsey drove to a gas station and got out. "Where are you going?" I asked.

"Getting a drink and chips, dumbass. What else would I be doing in a convenience store? Want anything?"

"No." She waved me off and went inside leaving Ava and I in the car alone. It was quiet and peaceful until Ava had to interrupt my thoughts.

"Why did you leave?"

I was taken aback by her question. "Why do you care?"

"Because you just up and left without saying a word. Everyone thought you were dead... I was just wondering..." Her voice drifted off into nothingness.

I stared out the window and watched as a mother held her son's hand as they walked out of the store together. He had an ice cream in his hand and a huge grin on his face. His mother smiled at him.

"I was given a job opportunity."

"Really? That's the only reason you left?"

"... No."

"Then why?"

I turned around to look at her. She sat in the back seat with her brown hair wrapped around her face and framed her small lips and eyes perfectly. She seemed calm but confused all at once.

I sighed as I studied her face. "I was tired of living here. Tired of living in this stupid town where everyone knows everything and I could never get away from anything I did. Every step I took I had to take lightly. Otherwise someone would already know I did something and would have told on me.

"I was given a job opportunity that would have taken me far away from here. So I took it. I took it to get away. To use my potential. To save lives. To take lives. To have purpose. And this little town could never give that to me."

Silence. "You wanted purpose? Everything has a purpose no matter how big or small."

I looked into her eyes again to find sympathy this time. A deep seeded sympathy I never even knew the woman had.

"I got chips for everyone." Lindsey pulled open the door and got in. I turned around away from Ava and pulled out the Doritos Lindsey got me along with a bottle of water. Lindsey handed Ava a Mountain Dew and some Fritos and she had Fritos and a Coca-Cola for herself.

The car was quiet except for the occasional bag wrinkle as we pulled out of the parking lot and headed home. We dropped off Ava on the way to our house and she gave me an odd look as we drove off. I wondered what she thought of the earlier conversation.

When we got home it was almost dinner time and I was starving. We ate dinner with my parents and I heard my mom mention a barbecue at our house tomorrow night. I didn't know who was coming nor did I care. As long as I got some food in my stomach I was happy.

We went to bed really late and thankfully I didn't have any dreams. My mind was quiet all night and when I woke up, I wasn't sweating or shaking, but instead I was smiling as I felt arms around me in comfort. When I actually got out of bed it was almost noon. It was the latest I'd ever slept in months.

We ate breakfast and I told Lindsey I was going to meet up with Leanne for the day and enjoy some time with her again. Lindsey gave me approval with a hug and then I left to see Leanne.

I picked her up in the Jaguar and we went to Main Street to shop around. I told her I didn't want to be seen by others and she just laughed, dragged me out, and locked the car. I groaned in protest.

We walked around outside all day looking in shops and enjoying each other's company. We finally came to the coffee shop that I went to earlier in the week and sat down. We ordered lunch and coffee and then talked.

"I'm glad you came back. Are you going to stay?" Leanne asked.

"No sadly. I have places I need to be. But I'll be here for a few more weeks." This was the longest I'd ever stayed in one place since before Miller came.

"Why?"

"You know why."

"... True. But still. Can you at least relax a little around here? You look like you haven't slept in days and your eyes make you look like a crack addict."

"Thanks buddy. I'll be sure to call you a crack addict when you wake up in the morning and look like hell."

She rolled her eyes. "It's the afternoon."

I sighed. "Things aren't easy." The waiter came with our subs and coffee and left us alone again. "They'll never be easy." She gave me a sad look before digging in to her sub. After we ate, we left and I dropped her off back at home and I went home myself.

A few hours went by and then my mom started preparing food for the barbecue. My dad went out back and started flipping hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill and worked on the barbecue itself. He was always great at making homemade barbecue sauce. It was his signature sauce.

About an hour later, almost half the neighborhood showed up. I tried my hardest to socialize but I kept hearing the same words over and over again.

"Where have you been?"

"We thought you were dead."

"You look so different!"

I've been a million places, yeah I know, and I've been exercising more than I used to. Those were my answers. Always.

Ava showed up after about half an hour and I couldn't look at her. I was always on guard around her and I hated it so I went upstairs and stayed upstairs until everyone left. When I came back down, Lindsey was the only one still up so we decided to watch a movie and eat popcorn alone. We went to bed late that night and another dream took form.

***

I stood by Blank's yellow Mustang and smoked a cigarette that sat between my fingers. I watched as Blank pointed to a blonde haired girl across the street.

"What about her?" He asked. I inspected her up and down. "Trustworthy?"

She walked past a homeless man asking for change. She threw him a coin and kept walking. He tried following her and she whipped around to stare him dead in the eye. "Screw off! You got what you wanted." I heard her say.

I smiled. "Hell yeah." I got off the Mustang and walked over to her. "Excuse me miss." She turned around with a weary expression on her face. She scanned me before realizing I wasn't homeless. "Might I interest you in a job?"

"What kind of job?" She replied.

I looked at Blank and smirked. Quickly I explained to her my deal. I watched her think to herself before looking at the both of us and nodding. "Okay. I have nothing to lose. But wait. What's your name?"

I narrowed my eyes at her and then deemed her trustworthy. "Dakota. And yours?"

"... Lindsey."

***