The Real Stella Smock

The Talk

So now I'm laying on my bed, facing the backboard with my headphones in listening to Double Vision by 3OH!3 while scrolling through Instagram.

I kick my feet to the beat while singing along to the chorus.

All of a sudden two hands grip my ankles.

I jump up and kick.

I look up to see Jake laughing.

"Don't do that!" I kick him in his bare chest playfully.

"You scared me!" I say with a smile on my face.

"It's not that hard to." Jake says and I smile knowing how true that is.

"Shut up." I switch to sitting criss-cross while he laughs.

He sits down next to me on my bed. He was staring intently at my neck.

I was right about to ask him what he was staring at when he reached up and pulled my chain out of my sweater.

"You still wear this?" He asks.

I smile at the mini microphone in his hand.

"Yup. Pretty much all the time." That's when I notice he isn't wearing his.

"And where's yours?" I ask him.

"My chain doesn't fit like it used to, so I stopped wearing it."

"Mmm." I nod.

"But you still have it?" I ask him.

"Of course."

Hm. Maybe that could be his birthday present since it is only two days from now.

"So...?" Jake asks.

"So...?" I ask while pulling my sleeves further down my palms before looking back up to him.

"Why are you making this so awkward?" He asks smiling.

"Because it is!" I say and Jake laughs.

"Only because you're making it."

I smile.

"Ok. I'm fine. Go ahead. Ask away." I instruct him.

"Alright.... So when exactly did all that depression start."

"A little before we moved in with you guys I guess." I think back.

"And somehow no one could tell until I brought up that something was up with you?"

"Well everyone did have their own problems, Jake." I tell him.

And it's actually not really surprising since I did kinda shut everyone out during that time.

"Ok, so you said you never had to pretend you were happy when you were with me right?" I nod.

"Why me?" I smile at the way he asks.

"I dunno. I guess it's because you were the only one that didn't give me those pity looks or deal with me like I was fragile. Like I may break or something." I smile to myself.

"That's why I always liked you. Cause you were the only one I could actually act one hundred percent myself around. Because you wouldn't freak out if I had a down day unlike anyone else would have. Even Pey." I shake my head.

"They only acted like that because they cared about you, Stella."

"So you didn't care?" I ask and Jake smiles.

"You know what I meant. They were just worried. They didn't want you to hurt yourself and they didn't know you to come to you about it."

"My own family? Aren't they supposed to know me best?" I ask Jake who just shrugs.

I shake my head.

"What about that night?" He asks.

"What about it?"

I ask him while turning on my stomach so I could look up to him.

"What was going through your head?"

I sigh.

"I don't know." I tell him.

"A lot...I just felt like I couldn't live anymore. I felt like I didn't have anything to live for. I thought it would be better for everyone if I just died."

"You thought wrong." Jake says and I look back up to him.

"I was as good for you as you were for me. I honestly don't even know what I would've do if you died that night. I really don't even know how I would live if you died... I feel like you never knew how much you meant to me, Stella." I smile up to him.

"I guess you're right. I didn't."

"I might have been your guardian angel, but you were my angel... period." My smile turns into a grin.

"And despite how corny that sounded," Jake says and I laugh.

"It's the truth. You know right after we started talking again I started making music again. And I'm talking about music that I actually like."

"Like 'ain't no stopping us now'?" I ask Jake and he smiles.

"You're funny. But no, I'm serious. I'm actually proud of these songs. They might be some of the best I've written so far." I nod impressed.

"I can't wait to hear them now." I tell him smiling.

It was quiet for a second.

"So when are you ever gonna tell me why we stopped talking?" I ask Jake.

He just sighs.

"I don't know yet." He says looking up at the ceiling.

"Is it really that bad?" I ask him.

"It's not bad. It's just... that I don't know how you're gonna react." He says.

"Jake, no matter what it is nothing's gonna change between us. I promise. I love you too much to let that happen." I say while pulling him into a hug.

Then after a couple seconds Jake mutters something almost inaudibly,

"That's what I'm afraid of."

I was right about to ask him what he meant when my phone rang...