Through it all
Part 50 - Final Part
*please read the note at the end.
*Justin's POV*
The cold from the ground was beginning to seep though my pants as I sat on the grass. I probably should have worn layers of at least thicker pants but that wasn't what mattered.
It was Christmas Eve Morning in Toronto. My first Christmas without Aubrey. I didn't even know what a huge holiday like Christmas without her was like.
Since it was holiday time, I missed her even more. Christmas was her favorite holiday so it had been a pretty rough Christmas season around the Bieber house. Even the kids were feeling glum.
"It's been too long," I whispered setting a fresh set of a dozen white lotus, her favorite flowers, leaned up against the marble. "We all miss you. It's been really hard lately."
"Maybe this isn't right but I don't know who else to turn to but you because you've always been my best friend. I already talked to your parents but your different. Selena and I have been fighting a lot as I'm sure you know. We just don't see eye to eye on some things. It's almost like we are at different places in our lives. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I'm pushing her away. I know for a fact that if it were you telling me you wanted another child I would be all for it so why can't I be all for it with her? I know you told me you approve but I'm scared. I'm scared of messing up. I'm scared of losing someone else I care about. I'm scared of hurting you. You mean the world to me. I would never want to do anything to hurt you and if that means being alone till we meet again then so be it. But I know deep down you wouldn't want that. I just don't know what to do anymore. I know you want me to be happy. And she makes me happy. Not as happy as you but there's only one you. I talked to you parents. They told me I shouldn't wait. They said I should marry her but I don't want to replace you. I don't. But maybe it would help. Not replacing you but trying to move on or taking another step to moving on. I will never ever forget you. Not for one second. But you already said you approve and I'm tired of feeling like I'm in purgatory. So I think I'm going to do it. I'm going to ask her to marry me. I really hope that doesn't hurt you. Because if it does I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Aubs." I sighed a deep breathe holding back the icy tears. "I love you. Merry Christmas my love."
With that I stood up, and dusted off my slacks. I wiped away the tears and took a deep settling breath. I blew a kiss towards the grave stone and another towards the sky.
I missed her everyday, every minute but I couldn't live like that. It wasn't living at all. I was tired of living my life that way.
When I got into my car I turned on the heater looking in my glove compartment and the small velvet box.
Maybe it wasn't the smartest move to be marrying someone now.
No, no, no, I've already committed. I was going though with this. I would feel better once it had actually happened.
There was one thing hanging over my head however. I needed to have a major talk with Selena.
The past few days have been rocky to say the least. I admit I have been pushing her away quiet a bit and deserved to know why. It wasn't her fault; I was just afraid to let someone in only to lose them again. My number of people I cared for too much was already too high. I had my mom, my kids, Aubrey's parents and her sister and Ryan. I didn't want to make myself any more vulnerable. The problem was Selena was on that list whether I liked it or not. It was just time to face the music.
-
"Dad can we open our presents now?" Skylar asked innocently.
Selena looked over at me suspiciously. "You open presents on Christmas Eve?"
