Through It All
Part 8
*Justin's POV*
I took one last long look in the mirror. Unfortunately, I didn't even recognize that man looking back. The man looking at me was breathing but he was dead. He didn't care what happened to him. The man in the mirror looked unstable both mentally and emotionally.
A knock on the door took me out of the mini trace I had seemed to keep finding myself in. I thought Jennifer would be the one to come in but much to my surprise it was Carin.
“Justin, it’s about time to go. Are you ready?” She asked, the sound of her heels clicking on the floor as she approached me.
She placed a hand on my shoulder and looked at me thought the mirror. “You know she loved you very much. Everyone knew that, I don’t think anyone in their right mind could deny that.”
“I loved her too. I still do,” I spoke, but it barley came out as a whisper. “I’ll never stop loving her. I’ll never move on.”
“Oh honey,” Carin said with her smile that matched Aubrey’s to a tee, “I know you will always love her but it’s okay to move on. I know it’s way too early to talk about that but she would never be mad at you for that. She would want you to be happy. She wouldn’t care who it was as long as you and the kids were happy and safe.”
“I just miss her so much,” I said finally turning around to face her.
“I do too,” she whispered with a tear sliding down her face as she reached in to hug me.
“By the way,” she said clearing her throat after out little moment, “you may want to speak to Kayden. He seems to be having a hard time with this.”
I nodded and got off my seat to go be the father I had to be. I walked down the hall into our sons baseball themed room.
“Kay? Are you okay?” I asked looking at him sitting on his bed, holding his favorite stuffed rabbit in his hand. It was a bunny he called Bluey. He had the number 24 stitched onto his back, along with the name of Kayden’s favorite baseball player.
“You know mommy got this for me?” he said looking up from his bunny to me. I just nodded. “She got me out of school early one day and we went to the mall. I saw him in the window, and I had to have him.”
“Son, listen, I know this is hard for you, it’s hard for me too, but your mom wouldn’t want you to be sad. You know how much she hated to see you kids upset,” I said making him crack a small smile. “She loved you, she watching over us. She’s our guardian angel. She’s in here now, Kay. She’ll be with you when you’re at school. She’ll be there for you when you had a bad day and you need someone to talk to; she’ll be listening. She may not be here physically but she’s here. She never left.”
In that moment, I wished I could take my own advice, but it was hard for me. Being with her for more than 12 years it was hard to just not have her around anymore.
“Justin, Kay, let’s go, we’re going to be late,” Jen said coming in dressed in her black dress and matching heels.
I wiped my face and nodded taking Kayden’s hand as I took a deep breath trying to hold myself together, for the kids.
When we arrived at the church we called our own, we all got out. All of mine and Aubrey’s friends and distant family were already inside.
Carin, Richard, and Jennifer walked in in front of me, Kayden and Skylar, who were holding my hands.
When I got a glance of the coffin, I couldn’t help but break down. What was I supposed to do though? Was I supposed to be okay and nonchalant about the fact that my 24 year old wife was lying, dead in a coffin when we were supposed to have our whole lives in front of us?
One by one, Aubrey’s old friends from high school and even some from her work went up to the podium and said sweet things about her. They talked about all the good she did and how much joy she brought into their lives. And finally it was my turn.
“First off, I would like to thank everyone for coming out here today to not only support our family thought this tough time but for being here for Aubrey. Of course as all of you know, Aubrey was like no other. She was the kindest person I knew. But, I spend a large portion of my life with her. I saw her for who she really was. I was there though the night where I didn’t want to be within a mile of her, or the nights of endless crying because her favorite character in her favorite book or show died. Aubrey was like no other woman in the world. Even when you were mad at her you couldn’t help but love her with all your heart. As many of you know, I loved Aubrey from a young age, and I will continue to love her until the day I die because that’s what she deserves, and that’s exactly what I will give her.”
As everyone exited out of the building Aubrey’s favorite song, My Heart Will Go On, from her favorite movie, Titanic played.
