Through it all
Part 37
*Justin's POV*
"Okay we picked up your medications now we just have to get you settled. Do you want to go to your bed or the couch?" Selena asked sitting inside the car in the driveway.
"I just want to lie in my bed," I whispered not letting my eyes meet her.
I had been in the hospital for three too many days.
"Okay I'll help you in then get the bags," she said getting out and going over to my side.
She opened my door and I draped my arm over her shoulder since I was even too wounded for her to wrap her arm around my waist. Selena carefully led me up each step and into my room.
"I'll be back with the bags in a moment," she informed me before slipping out of the room.
I looked over at the night stand picking up the picture that was surrounded in a black wooden frame. The picture was over two years old. Me and Aubrey were sitting with our backs to an old abandoned building while She kissed my cheek. The kids sat in front of us displaying their biggest smile. It was probably the cutest photo we had ever taken. It was Aubrey's favorite by a long-shot.
As I examined the photo, I realized I hadn't seen my children in almost a week. Sure I talked to them as much as I could during the day and I would of had them visit me but I didn't want the image of me all cut up in their minds forever. I didn't want them to think they would lose me like Aubrey.
Suddenly I felt tears pooling in my eyes and I looked at the beautiful faces of the children I help create. I wasn't being the father they deserved. I sure wasn't being one eighth of how amazing of a mother Aubrey was.
"I'm ba-" she stated stopping mid sentence when she saw me. "What happened? I was gone for like 3 minutes."
"I'm a horrible father," I cried. "I never have them. Either my m-moms watching them or Jen, anyone but me. No one thinks I'm stable."
"Justin you're going through a lot right now. I honestly think you're doing the best you can," she said joining me on the bed, generally rubbing a good area of my shoulder.
I placed my head on her lap as I let the sobs rumble through my body.
She gently began to run her hands through my hair, making my body instantly feel calmer. "You know, I was pretty much torn apart when Lucas died. For the first month, all I did was sit in bed and cry my eyes out. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to eat anything. I just wanted to be alone. There were nights I sat with only a candle going and I could swear on anything I saw two shadows but there was only me. Finally Sam broke the silence and gave me the best advise I'd ever heard. She told me that by doing what I was doing, I was pushing Luke away. She told me if I wanted him near me and always with me do things that would make him happy. Do they things we used to love to do together. Do the things he loved. Do things that would make him proud. And with that I packed up all my grief and used that as fuel to become a therapist. Now I'm passing that into you. I'm not saying you have to become a therapist or anything," she laughed at herself, "but I'm just saying even though she's not here doesn't mean she can't be with you. I didn't know her Justin but I'm sure she wouldn't want to see you like this. I know I sure hate it."
"You're really good at your job," I said sniffling as I sat up to look at her, "you know that?"
A smirk fell onto her lips. "I try," she winking.
I slowly leaned forward giving her a first kiss since forever. "I'm sorry I've been so crazy lately."
"Don't worry about it. We've all had our moments. Mine was picking my brother over you. The crazy is behind us," she replied pressing her forehead against mine for a moment.
Too soon, she pulled away, and climbed off the bed.
"Where are you going?" I asked watching her every move.
"There's still glass in the kitchen that needs to be cleaned," she smiled.
"Hey sel?"
"Yeah?" She asked turning back around.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"For what?" She asked confused.
"Reacting the way I did when I found out."
"I should be the one apologizing Justin,"she sighed. "I shouldn't have ever thought of defending my brother, you were in the right."
"No I understand. I probably would've done the same thing if it was Aubrey," I smiled sympathetically.
"Are we okay?" She asked kind of catching me off guard.
"We're okay," I nodded. "Hurry back so we can cuddle and watch a movie."
She ran over and quickly gave me a kiss on my lips. "I'll try."
I used this open opportunity to call my mom and speak to the kids.
"Hey mom," I smiled into the phone.
"How are you feeling?" She worried.
"Much better. Selena's really helping me through a lot. Mom, would it be okay if you brought the kid back tomorrow? I miss them and I need to step up and take responsibility for them. They are my kids and they need me as much as I need them," I spoke clearly.
"Anything you need honey. But we're you're family. We are always willing to help if you need it, but I'm proud of you. I couldn't ask for a better son."
"Thanks mom. Can you put the kids on? I really miss them."
Before I knew it, the sweetest voices I ever heard before wrestling over who got to talk first.
"There's plenty of daddy to go around," I laughed waiting for them to pick who talked first.
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Wow I'm updating like a mad lady. I'm going to spoil y'all haha. I planned this one out in a free class I had today so who knows when I'll get my next idea or free time. Anywho, how is y'all's week going. Mines been okay. One month till my birthday! Woo! I'll be legal! Not that I will be going out or anything haha anyway. Thanks for reading and voting. It really just lights up my day when I see a little box saying I have 10 notifications. Love y'all! Can't thank you enough. XOXO
