Through it all
Part 48
*Justin's POV*
I took a step a step back trying to admire my masterpiece.
"I did a pretty good job huh?" I smirked looking at my little girls eyes looking back into mine through the mirror.
"Daddy," she sighed shaking her head. "No, no, no. This not right."
"What do you mean? This is exactly like you said," I fraught with Skylar.
"Selena!" She yelled not even bothering to deal with me for another moment.
In my defense though I did exactly what she had told me so I didn't see how Selena could do any better.
"You beckoned?" Selena joked popping her head into the door. "Oh goodness, what happened in here?"
"What are you girls talking about. I didn't exactly what she said!" I threw my arms up dramatically in frustration.
"Why don't you just go help Kade get ready? He's almost ready," Selena said to me as she took over my stop behind Sky as she faced the mirror.
I nodded lowering my head to go to my son's room.
Selena and I had still yet to finish our baby conversation. It had been over a week and she had hardly looked at me, let alone spoke to me.
I honestly had no idea what to do about it. In one way, I still wasn't completely ready to fully move on from Aubrey but I didn't want Selena to be upset.
"How's it going on here? Almost ready?" I asked as I make my way into Kayden's room. He was fully dressed in his very realist Power Rangers custom. "Woah sorry I was looking for my son but clearly he isn't here."
"Daddy," Kade laughed. "It's me! I'm just wearing a mask."
"Wow! I would have never known. You're gonna be the best dressed Power Ranger ever. Grab your pumpkin and let's go see if the girls are ready."
Together we walked back into the Skylar's room just as Selena was finishing Sky's braid in her hair.
"You look just like the real Elsa, baby girl. You look so pretty," I smiled looking at the little girl I helped create.
I couldn't help but think of Aubrey and how much fun the four of us would have if she was here. I smiled softly at just the though of her. It was times like this that if I focused really hard I could feel her here with us. Maybe it was crazy but I swear I could feel her.
"We all ready to go?" Selena asked breaking my thoughts of the past to the present.
"Yeah I think we are," I smiled softly.
"You kids head down stairs, we will be right there," Selena instructed, waiting until they were gone before her smiled disappeared from her face. "Okay what's wrong?"
I stared at her dumbfounded. "What are you talking about? Nothing's wrong."
She gave me a knowing and judging look. "I'm a freaking therapist. I know when people are lying and hiding things. So I'm going to ask one more time; what's wrong?"
"I think I'm ready."
"Ready?" She asked confused. "What do you mean?"
"For a baby. I think I'm ready."
"You think?" She asked shaking her head. "You know what now is not the time to talk about this. It's Halloween, the kids what to go trick-or-treating so let's just do that and we can talk about it after they go to bed, okay?"
Unfortunately, she didn't to wait for an answer she just made her way down the stairs ready to take the kids out of here and around the neighborhood to get their candy.
I took a big deep breath not wanting mine and Selena's disagreement to effect the kids fun.
Aubrey never really like Halloween that much. She hated all things scary, so the though of a 'whole bunch of people in masks who could be murders all out on one day' as she put it, over and over again, freaked her out. But, at the same time, she always put on a brave face, and held me super tight, because she wanted the kids to have as much fun as possible.
Fighting or not, Selena and I held hands as we watched the kids walk in front of us from house to house and we watched them from the sidewalk as they approached house after house.
When the night came to and end and we had finally looped back to our house Kayden and Skylar dumped their candy out of the floor of the living room ready to attack it.
"Dad look how much candy we got!" Skylar exclaimed with complete enjoyment all over her face.
"You're going to be on a candy-high for months," I laughed. "Unfortunately, it's past your bed time so we can start sorting through the candy tomorrow. Go and get your pajamas on I'll be right up to tuck in."
I kissed both of their head as they went up to get ready for bed, leaving Selena and I all alone.
"You do realize we are talking about this as soon as I get back right?" I asked.
She sighed and settled into the sofa. "Yes Justin, I'm well aware."
"Great, I'm glad you're so enthusiastic about it," I said sarcastically, slightly joking.
I went up the stairs and tucked the kids in. Telling them goodnight and that I loved them before making my way downstairs, prepared for a pretty heavy conversation.
"Where do we start?" I asked sitting down on the sofa directly across from the on Selena was sitting on.
"Well for starters, you can't say that you think you're ready for a baby. It's a full commitment Justin. If we have a baby, whether we stay together or not we are connected for life. Are you prepared for that?"
"Can I talk about how I'm feeling?" I asked.
She gestured for me to go ahead so I took a steadying breath before explain my thought process to her. "I have a lot of things going though my mind right now. Number one being if I start a family with you will the kids? Number two has it been an appropriate amount of time since Aubrey? I don't want to be disrespectful to her or you know her family. I love her and I know you know it and I know you love Luke still and I understand that. I think that's one of the reasons we moved so quickly. We both know what it feel like to loose the person we loved. Number three being, like you said, children are permanent, are we ready for that? Number four is do you think maybe we should be married before having kids? Finally fifth do you think maybe it's too soon to be married after my wife died? I love how you took in my kids as your own. You took care of them when I couldn't and I will always owe you for that. I just, I'm scared. I'm scared to make the wrong choice."
She closed her eyes, taking soft, even breaths. Finally, after moments of silence, she opened her eyes back up. "I understand. I really, really do Justin. And I'm scared too but sometimes we just have to jump and let the chips fall where they may."
"We haven't even slept together yet? How can you know you want to have a child together without even sleeping with me first?" I asked.
She half heartedly laughed. "You're right. We could try and then see from there."
"But first answer this question: do you want a child with me or just you just want a child?"
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Authors note: okay wow I know I took a super log break and I'm sorry. I just got in a rut. Most of you probably don't know it but I have Aspergers. Which means that when I find something I enjoy I get completely obsessed and recently that has been tv. I always loved TV but I for a while was obsessed. Now, fortunately for you, I'm back to jelena and go fanfictions. I always go through the same cycles so hopefully this lasts a while because I do enjoy writing. I always have lots of ideas but I never know how to stretch them out into lots of words to make parts for y'all so I'm going to work on that. I just started college so hopefully I can get into a rhythm and post on a regular basis. Anyway, for those people left reading thank you. And thank you for reading this long, boring authors note.
