Lost Stars

Chapter 10

"You said you wouldn't but you fucking did."

-x-

Jayla

Monotonous —used to describe something that is boring because it is always the same.

The exact word that represents my life.

Boring, purpose less, numbing, uninteresting, dull and wearying. Welcome to Jayla's life.

Kaya lagi kong naiisip na kapag nawala ako, wala namang mangyayari o mag-iiba. Kasi in the first place, parang hindi naman talaga ako nag-eexist.

My Dad kept on insisting that i should go out, have some fun and enjoy..

But I'd rather sleep for the whole week.

"Jayla.. Wake up. Alas dose na" For the 5th time,which felt like thousands already.. Nandito na naman si Daddy. Ginugulo na naman nya ang mahimbing kong pagtulog.

"Jayla.. I texted Gale and i asked her na samahan ka papuntang mall. Nang masikatan naman ng araw yang balat mo." He told me. "Look at you. You look pale. Para ka nang bampira"

I just ignored him and covered my face with a pillow. Of all people, Of all places and Of all Time.. Si Gale, Sa Mall at ngayon pa? Urgh.

After a series of grunts, sighs and snorts..

Pumayag din ako.

Besides, kung mananatili ako dito.. Baka mabaliw lang ako kakaisip kay Reid. At kung bakit sya hindi sya nagpaparamdam. Sighs

Dali-dali akong naligo at nagbihis. Simple lang ang damit ko, My usual look. Black skinny jeans, black T-shirt at bracelets to cover the scars in my wrist.

Gusto ko sanang magcommute pero Dad insisted na ihahatid nya nalang daw ako. Para iwas pamasahe daw at pagpila. But i know him. Alam kong ayaw nya lang matulad ang nangyari dati.

4th year high school ako nun. It was my first attempt to commit suicide. Nasa tabi ako ng kalsada. Nakahinto ang lahat ng sasakyan at pampasaherong jeep dahil kulay pula ang traffic light which means 'stop'.

I patiently waited it to turned green.

At nung nag green na ay bigla akong tumakbo sa gitna ng kalye. Nabangga ako ng isang sasakyan. But it didn't killed me. The incident created a big commotion. My name was everywhere. In the tabloids, in the newspapers, in social medias and in the news. Naturingan akong 'the suicidal girl who failed a suicide attempt' Bullshit. A lot of people made fun of me in the internet. May nagsasabi pa ng "You go girl! Try and try until you die haha" ang iba naman ay "Kung magpapakamatay ka ay tumalon ka nalang sa tulay. Para wala ka nang nadadamay. " and worst,  "Attention seeking bitch. Ayan ate ha? Sikat ka na! Masaya ka na? "

A lot of religious groups naman ang bumatikos saken. Kesyo "Life is precious .. " tapos binaboy ko daw. Kampon daw ako ni Lucifer. Suicide is stupid daw. I'm going to rot in hell daw. Ang bobo ko daw para magpakamatay. Hindi daw ako matatanggap sa langit. And a lot more hypocrite lines. Urgh.

Nanginginig ako sa galit sa tuwing naaalala ko ang mga pangyayaring yun.

Ayokong magmura pero---tangina!

This fucked up world is full of fucked up judgemental hypocrites.

Bakit alam ba nila ang reason behind my suicide attempt? Bakit? Napagdaanan na ba nila ang mga napagdaanan ko? Alam ba nila kung anong tumatakbo sa isip ko? Hindi diba? Hindi nila ako kilala. Wala silang alam. How dare them judge me.