Lost Stars

Chapter 7

"To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die"

-x-

Reid

Sleeping at 6pm and waking up at 1am became a hubby. Lagi ko kasing dinadalaw si Jayla sa bahay.. I mean, sa kwarto niya. I don't know why pero malakas kasi ang kutob ko na inaatake sya ng depression, anxiety and panic attacks pag madaling araw.

Since nagkabangga kami sa hospital at nakita ko sa mga mata nya ang lungkot at takot.. Nagkaroon kaagad ako ng strong urge to protect her, cherish her.. Make her feel special.

I saw how frail and fragile she is. She's sensitive. She always tend to overthink. She's anxious. She's sad and lonely.

Parang nakikita ko ang sarili ko sakanya. She's like human flesh of my own soul. The girl version of what's inside me.

We are the same and opposite at the same time and for some ways.

Pareho kami di pinalad sa buhay. Life is cruel for the both of us. Pareho kaming may mabigat na dinadala. Pareho kaming may malalaking problema.

But nakakalimutan namin yun pagmagkasama kami. Its like we have our own bubble, our own world. Masaya kami sa isa't-isa. Napapasaya nya ako at ganun din sya sakin. It's like our presence at each other is our own therapy. When we're togehther.. It's like we have our own piece of my mind. Even for a moment, nakakalimutan namin kung gaano ka cruel ang mundo. At kung gaano ka sakit ang manatili dito.

Isn't it funny how a cancer patient and a suicidal girl can get along together this well? I mean, we're opposite. I'm struggling to live. And she's struggling to die.

I have something that she wants, She has something that i want too. But we can't give it to each other.

It was 2am nung dumating ako sa kwarto niya. Naging hubby ko na rin siguro ang pag-akyat sa puno at pagtalon sa terrace papunta sa kwarto niya instead of entering the main door of their house at bumati sa parents nya.

Gugulatin ko pa sana sya ng bigla kong napansin na natutulog pala sya.

Lunapit ako and..

She's screaming someone's name. I don't know kung ano yun.. It sounds like Layna..Leah.. Zenna.. Ah!  Naalala ko na, it was Zayna.

She's shaking and sweating. Bigla naman akong kinabahan.

"Sana ako nalang ang namatay! Sana ako nala--"

"Jayla! Jayla! " i shaked her para magising sya.

And fortunately,  she did.

In my surprise, bigla nya akong niyakap ng mahigpit and she keep on mumbling words that i couldn't understand dahil sa hagulhol nya.

Seeing her like that, i felt bad. I felt like i failed. Sana kahit sa pagtulog nya nakokontrol ko ang mga panaginip nya para di sya nasasaktan ng ganito.

Pero.. Sino si Zayna? I didn't bother to asked.

I don't really like singing infront of other people dahil hindi naman ako ganun ka confident sa boses ko. Dati, sa shower. Dun.. Dun lang ako kumakanta.

But i did, for her.

At a few minutes later, thank God she calmed down.

Ramdam kong medyo nahihiya pa sya sakin. I understand her. Kahit ako ay mahihiya if someone saw how messed up i am.

I assured her na its okay,  na i understand.

I saw her smile, a real one.

Tapos she asked me if ano ba daw ang paborito kong tv show,  sabi ko o shopping.