Our Little Star

Harry

POV: Harry

Warnings: Depression

-Begin Chapter-

I reached Simon's room first, the other two trailing behind me talking about some video they were planning to do soon. This allowed me time to realize what I had done with Josh. I just kissed him and ran away scared. I honestly have no idea why. I mean I know I have kissed Vikk and JJ. Ok, I made out with JJ the other night, but I don't know why I got so flustered at kissing Josh. I felt like a kid kissing his first crush.

I hope Josh doesn't think anything bad about me. I felt uncertainty creep into me at the thought. I don't know why I was feeling like this. Usually, I was a confident person, especially around the guys, but now, with this new relationship, my confidence is not where it used to be. I tried pushing these thoughts to the side, but they really didn't stay there.

They may have come out more due to my separation from everyone for three weeks, allowing them to bond with each other more than me. Plus, I really wasn't myself when I was separated from them and I had to force myself to be okay in front of my family. It was so draining. I am feeling more like myself now though, especially since I have spent the last couple days with all of them and nights wrapped in the arms of JJ one night and Simon the other night, feeling safe and warm but I still feel kind of weak though.

I felt a sadness creep into me as I moved to crawl into the bed, choosing to take the middle just cause I could. I laid on my back and looked over to see Simon and Ethan at Simon's computer looking something up.

I watched as Ethan turned to look at me, an apologetic smile on his face.

"Sorry Bog. We will be there in just a second, we are just looking up something for a video and then we will be to bed. Promise."

"No worries," I replied simply, moving to get comfortable on my side, resting my head on a pillow.

I allowed my eyes to close as the insecurity crept back into me. I kinda wanted to leave the house and go somewhere to be alone.

I shock flowed through me with that thought, my fist clenching the sheet underneath me. I don't where this was all coming from. I mean, earlier I was all happy and excited about moving into the house and all of us moving in together into a new house later and now...now I feel I need to be alone. I feel like they don't need me here with them.

I felt my face scrunch up as I curled into a ball. What was wrong with me?

I laid there in a ball of self-loathing, uncertainty weighing me down. I was so lost in myself that I didn't realize that one of the two other boys had turned off the light and they both crawled into bed, one on each side of me.

The time I became aware of them is when I felt a hand on my back, rubbing it lightly and another one cupping my cheek, a thumb rubbing my face. The touches were so gentle that I felt my tense body relax and my body uncurl from my previous position. I kept my eyes closed though, not wanting to show the others what I was feeling.

After I straightened my body out, I felt the others move closer and lay down with me. I felt Simon's long body lay in behind me and Ethan's warm, bigger body laid in front of me. Simon wrapped his arm around my middle, while Ethan reached out to grab my hand that I had cradled to my chest. I allowed him to do it with no resistance, making it appear as if I was sleeping, while in reality, I was hyper-aware of what was going on.

They both settled down but I could tell they weren't making any move to sleep. I felt both sets of eyes on me, watching me "sleep". I did my best to keep as still as possible, trying to make them believe I was.

I heard a soft voice call out.

"Simon?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think he is really asleep?"

"I guess so." Replied Simon, his fingers beginning to rub small circles into my stomach. "He seemed kind of out of it on our way upstairs, did you notice?"

"Yeah." I heard Ethan reply, his hand coming up to cup my cheek again. "It's worrying me a little bit. Maybe he just needs a good sleep after recording all day."

"Maybe." Said Simon, unconvinced. "We just need to check on him in the morning and make sure he is ok. I am worried about him."

"Me too." Agreed Ethan. I felt his lips press against my forehead for a long period of time. I gasped, unable to hold it back. I could feel all the love that Ethan was put into just a kiss on my forehead. I don't understand why. I am not that special, not like Vik.

Ethan pulled away after a moment before moving to rest his head against mine.

I felt Simon snuggle impossibly closer to me, his breath against my ear as he softly spoke.

"I love you, Harry. I don't know what's wrong but the others and I will figure it out and help you. We care about you so much Harry. We really do."

His words caused my chest to tighten and I felt like I wanted to cry. I know he meant his words but they hurt me. Why does he care about me so much? Why do the rest care about me so much? Why me?

I felt his lips press against the back of my head before he laid his head down, finally stilling and falling asleep.

When I was sure they were both asleep, I let a few tears fall.

I couldn't do this to them. I couldn't be a burden. They shouldn't be worried about me. They should be worried about Vik. After all, we were in this relationship for him, why worry about me?

I wanted to run away and hide but the two bodies holding me down prevented me from doing so.

I was going to have to wait for my opportunity.

-End Chapter-

A/N: So I kinda made my own self-cry with this chapter, so I know it was bad. Sorries....

I hope you enjoyed reading this (I have a funny feeling that you didn't due to what happened in this chapter) and may your day (after this) be filled with love, smiles, and laughs.