Changing My World

Talk it out

He looked into my eyes for a few seconds, not having a clue what to say to that.

"Is that really how you feel? You really think you're life is pointless, and you hate it?"

"Well, a kid who doesn't understand their own family tree and lives in care, who has self harmed and almost committed suicide a couple of times..."

"Wait when did you nearly commit suicide?"

"I nearly shot myself with my uncles gun and then jumped out a window"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want to be a burden with all my problems"

"It wouldn't have been a burden?"

"Yeah but again, the tiny problems of one, insignificant person. What's the point in sharing? If a problem shared is a problem halved then that makes it even smaller."

"Don't say that"

"What?"

"That you are insignificant"

"Why not? It's true"

"You know, even when you're a goth, you're a rubbish lyer"

"Have you heard anything about Chloe?" I said, changing the subject.

"Yeah. Mike called her social worker, she's home and fine. I still don't know why she stopped writing"

"That's more like it"

"What?"

"Letting you're problems be heard. It feels good doesn't it?"

"Not as good as this"

He leaned in and kissed me passionately. It was warm and emotional. He was crying slightly, but seemed to smile into the kiss when I began kissing back.

We pulled apart and he hugged me really tightly. "I knew you were still in there" he whispered in my ear.

"I never went anywhere" I replied. "I just tried something new"

"Is the hair dye permanent?" He asked as we pulled away again. He kept his hands round me whilst he examined my new look.

"No it isn't. The piercings aren't real either"

He scoffed. "You had me fooled"

"And Mike. Don't tell anybody"

"Why not?"

"Because it's fun pretending, and it's been better watching Mike flip out about it"

"You'll have to tell him eventually. Before school tomorrow"

"No I won't. I'll put them in in the morning, but take them out before we arrive at school. The teachers will never know I had them, and Mike will never know I didn't, and I won't get any detentions for it"

"Yeah but you'll probably get a detention for something else"

"You mean like having my hair dyed?"

"Well, it's black so you shouldn't, but you still might. A lot of the teachers hate you"

"I wonder why" I said shaking my head. "Anyway, what is everyone up to downstairs?"

"Not much. Most people are sat in silence wandering what the hell is wrong with you"

"I thought they might be. I won't explain myself though"

"You don't need to"

"I know. I like to keep them guessing."

"But not me?"

"You see right through me anyway, there would be no point in hiding it"

"Yet you still try"

"Has anyone been talking about me?"

"Mike called us into a meeting yesterday. He started blaming himself, thinking he failed you as a career or something, because of the whole admitting that he didn't care thing"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that"

"You mean you didn't mean any of it?"

"No. But now I can use it to mess with Mikes head. And everybody else's"

"Marie?!"

"I won't mess with yours. Come on, this is a golden opportunity to earn back some of the respect and dignity that that have stolen"

"Dignity? Wearing that?"

"Oh shut up"

"I'm just saying, I think this is a bad idea."

"Oh so is that what you do you just say things?"

"Woah calm down"

"Just practicing my acting skills"

"Wow you're pretty good"

"I know."

"So has all of this been acting?"

"Do you really think I would actually go out and get my hair dyed black because of acting?"

"So you feel this angry and resentful?"

"Yep. Pretty much"

"Then we need to do something about it.."

"You're doing it again. Playing the hero. Just give it a rest yeah?"

"If you promise me one thing?"

"What?"

"That you won't hurt anyone with this whole thing"

"I'm not making that promise"

"Why not?"

"Because if someone makes me angry, or starts on me. I might hurt them. I'm not going to deliberately go out of my way to avoid that, specially if it's their fault"

"Ok then, but be careful?"

"Oh I'll be very careful. My main goal is to get my way without getting in trouble for whatever I choose to do"

"Well that's going really well so far (!)"

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A/N

Wow, a whole chapter of speech. Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

Anyway, I'm going on holiday tomorrow for a week so I'm afraid I won't be updating this story or the one on my other account (which has now started) until next Thursday. Although I will write it out while I'm away so that I'll have loads of chapters lined up for a spam upload x

Love you and thanks so much for reading, it really makes my day!

xx