Changing My World

Meltdown

I spent the rest of the day with the social wellbeing officer. She was asking about my home life, how I was, what was bothering me. You know, blah blah, touchy feels.

I trust her. I don't know why. I know she is only paid to ask these questions and scribble down the answers on a clipboard. She just reminded me of someone, not sure who.

Throughout the day, people watched me from outside the office where we sat. They would look in through the window for a few seconds before being told to leave or making eye contact with me and realising they've been caught and running off.

The day went quickly. Probably because I'm so emotional I don't really remember any of it. The school social wellbeing officer had called Mike so that he knew I was with her the whole day and asking for me to get a lift home as I was "in no state to be surrounded by the settings and environment of the streets" right now.

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Of course if I got a lift, so did everybody else. I still don't want talk about it. I'm going to tell Ryan and maybe Mike or Mai Lee, but not like Carmen or Floss.

I was first out as the social wellbeing officer wanted me to beat the rush of people. I made my way to the minibus and sat in the seat behind Mike.

"You ok kiddo?"

"Better than I was."

"Good. I have a feeling things are going to start getting much better now."

"Me too"

"Have you spoken to Ryan?"

"Kind of but I was in a state."

"I heard about what happened yes. Well he has been extremely worried about you and has tried his best for you. Give him a chance"

I nodded and sat back in my seat. I looked out my window and saw the crowd of people flood out the school gates and though the car park. It wasn't long before the DG lot joined us on the bus.

"Are you ok?" Tee asked as she climbed onto the bus.

I nodded in response and gave her a quick smile which she instantly returned. Everybody else got onto the bus, Ryan sat next to me and held onto my hand.

The journey was silent, apart from when Carmen's phone rang, ironically her ringtone was 'happy' by Pharell Wiliiams.

Nobody in the bus is happy. Everybody is concerned foe me and quite frankly so am I. I'm changing. I don't want to but it seems I have not power over it, I can't control or stop it.

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I went straight up to my room and everybody else chatted with the twins and Floss and Harry and Finn. Basically everybody else was being sociable and I just went alone to the bedroom.

I tidied my hair and face and clothes because they were a massive mess and then tried to figure out how I'm going to explain myself to Ryan. Not that I don't want to I do, but I just don't know how to say it.

Before I had the words formed, he walked in. I stood up quickly and looked st him as he closed the door and came towards me.

"You ready?" He asked.

I took a deep breath and nodded my head. He took both my hands into his and readied himself to listen.

"I don't know how to say it other than things were piling up. You know, starting new wasn't easy, and school and I don't mix. I cannot get on with teachers and just seeing the similar corridors remind me of Emily and all the bullies. Then when the blonde from school started to do the same and everybody here was always asking questions I couldn't handle it."