Changing My World

Raging Fire

"Lunch!" Mai Lee called. I internally groaned. I've managed to piss off Ryan, Tyler, Carmen, Bailey and Floss today. In front of EVERYONE!

Well except Ryan. He didn't see what I did to the rest of them, and the rest of them didn't hear what I said to Ryan.

I angrily stormed into the kitchen. Most of the seats were taken so I grabbed a plate of food from the counter and took it outside.

"Marie, come inside to eat please!" I sighed at Mikes comment.

"Do I have to?" I asked without turning round.

"I'm afraid so"

"Why?"

"Because everybody else is..."

"What so I cannot have my individuality?"

"Now that's not what I meant and you know it.."

"And you just want me to follow the crowd and be like everyone else?"

"Marie stop being difficult!"

"Mike I don't have to be the same as everyone else to fit in!"

"Marie come inside. Now!"

I spun on my heels and shot him a sarcastic smile before 'calmly' walking back into the dining room and taking a seat on the end of the table.

I was about to start eating my pasta when I noticed everybody was looking at me.

"What?!" I snapped.

"Is something bothering you?" Mo asked. "Because your body language seems very closed off and not open..."

"Shut up four eyes!"

"Marie, was that really necessary?" Mike asked.

"I'm not the one who is phsyco analysing people's movements and body language like a complete Sherlock wannabe reject!"

I looked back to Mo. He looked quite hurt and Tee was rubbing his back comfortingly. I then looked at Ryan who didn't look like he had been crying, he looked just as shocked as all the others.

"Marie this needs to stop.."

"I literally, couldn't give a crap Mike" I stated bluntly. I picked up my knife and fork and started playing with my pasta.

"Marie, I don't not care what state you are in right now but this behaviours has to stop!" Mike yelled.

"So you admit it then?" My voice cracked.

"What?!"

"YOU DON'T CARE!" I screeched as I stabbed my knife into the table. I froze on the spot, heart pounding, fast, deep, breaths, and my hand wrapped around the butter knife that I had just impaled the table with.

I instantly felt bad and sad, regretting what I had done. This is a new low. Attacking innocent pieces of furniture with innocent pieces of crockery, in front of everyone.

I felt my eyes well up as I looked around the faces staring at me. They weren't only shocked, and angry. They were scared. This is what I have become. The person that people are afraid of, the one who causes the hurt, the pain, the damage, the terror.

Before anyone had the chance to say anything I got up and ra upstairs to my room. I can't face them, I don't really want to face them, I just want to think this through.

I slammed my door shut, hard and loudly, and then flopped onto my bed in tears. I've become that person that nobody wants to be. No doubt Ryan will dump me now, great.

It was there and then that I decided I had to change. For everyone else's sake as much as mine. If I can stab a table, what if I hurt a person? If I had been standing next to Floss, or Carmen, and happened to be holding a sharp toy or a book or something, what's to say I wouldn't hurt either of them?

I need a new image, a new personality all together. I need to be a different person in order to please people, I can't be myself what was I thinking? And what do the people at school think? What does everyone here at the dumping ground think? Probably that I'm a crazy, insecure, unstable idiot.

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Ryan's POV

I pushed my own problems to the back of my mind when Mike called us to a house meeting about Marie. She obviously wasn't invited since we were all talking about her.

Once everybody was in, Mai Lee shut the door and Mike began talking.

"Does anybody know what might be troubling Marie?"

"Ryan was the last person to talk to her before she started being horrible"

"No he wasn't Tee" Mike said before I had to deny Tee and her allegations. "Marie had kicked off before, when they were outside on the blanket."

"What did she do?" I asked.

"She upset Bailey, Tyler and Floss" he replied. "I want you to all be careful with her until this blows over. She is very...um..."

"Explosive?"

"Angry?"

"Spiteful?"

"I was going to say...fragile"

"Oh"

"Does any one know any reason at all why she might be acting this way?"

"Well, I did snap at her when she was in my room" I admitted. "She stormed out after snapping back but that was after the picnic blanket incident"

"It's crazy how she went from being so lazy and chilled before, then all grumpy afterwards"

"What do you mean Mo? After what?"

"Well, before she fell asleep on the grass"

"So you think maybe her nap had something to do with it?" Mai Lee asked.

"That's insane" Bailey said.

"Maybe not. She might have caught to much sun or something" Mike guessed.

"Well, you also said you did say you don't care" Sasha added. Pointing out how we all sometimes felt.

Mike didn't say anything but we could tell he internally facepalmed. Now he is blaming himself, like he always does.

I feel so confused. I have my own problems, and I was going to let Marie in, let her help. But then I screwed that up, and now she is really mad, or sad about so,etching. Usually it would take some time but she would tell me, I don't think that will happen this time.

"I'm going to forgive and forget about all this" he said. "But not for long, she is on thin ice. Nobody tells her any of this either"

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Marie's POV

I changed my clothes and fixed my hair. I'm not gonna be a hot mess any more. It's not my time. It's my turn to change, for the better of others and myself.

Looking in the mirror, an idea pops to mind. I know now what I'm to do. I have a plan and I know it will divide opinions....but I want to do it, I have to do it, and I will do it.

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A/N

What do you think Marie is going to do?

Leave any guesses in the comments below and again, like always, I'll tell you if you get it right, or nearly right as I already have the next few chapters written up.

Love ya xx