"It hurts because it mattered."
- John Green
~*~
Andrea Russett
That next morning, I lay in my bed and stared at the ceiling. It seemed like the room kept getting darker and my world kept getting bigger, and I kept getting smaller. It felt nice to finally be in a relationship again with Kian, I forgot reality. I rolled over and grabbed my phone from my nightstand. I checked my phone for a good morning text from Kian, then reality slapped me once again.
I bit my bottom lip softly and held back tears, then set my phone back on the nightstand table. I wiped my eyes and slowly stood up. At first, I was unstable and off balance, but I straightened up and walked into my bathroom. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and saw myself. I broke down once I saw my face; my mascara was smeared and my hair looked like a mess. I punched my reflection, causing my knuckles to turn a dark shade of red.
My phone began to ring, but I ignored it. I couldn't bare to talk to anybody today, my heart hurt. I walked over to my phone and turned it off all the way. I sighed to myself and laid back down on my bed, trapped in my own thoughts.
My head began to spin, so I squeezed my eyes shut and screamed at the top of my lungs, hoping nobody heard me. I silently cried. After ten minutes, I felt dehydrated. I sat up slowly and took off my t-shirt that smelled slightly like Kian. I went back into my bathroom and took a shower, and parted my hair down the middle.
I still felt like a mess, but atleast I had gotten ridden of Kian's smell. I changed into a white Nike sports bra, and some athletic shorts. My phone was sitting on the nightstand table, so I grabbed it and turned it back on. I stared at the little black apple that appeared on the white screen. I typed in my password once the screen came up.
5-4-2-6
K-I-A-N
Not many people notice that, but my password is Kian's name. I first went to my settings and changed my password to something random that I could remember. I went onto Twitter and tweeted.
Andrea Russett: Single like a dollar, not looking for change.
I smiled to myself, trying to seem happy, even though I was still dying inside. I shook my head, knowing that even though I was trying to seem happy, I was secretly not. Tears filled my eyes and fell down my cheeks. I took deep breaths and held my composure again.
"Andrea Rose Russett, you are happy. You are a bright and talented young lady, you can change any situation into a happy moment. You're the life of the party and I know you're going to be okay."
I repeated that to myself several times, trying to make myself smile, though it did not work.
