"Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over, is yourself." -Deborah Reber
~*~
-Kian-
It was 8:30 AM when I was startled awake by my roommate and best friend, Jc jumping on my bed.
"Wake up!" He yelled excitedly, plopping down onto his bottom, right beside me.
"What the fuck? Jc, it's early in the morning. Can I not go back to sleep?" I sat up and rubbed both of my eyes, "get out of my room."
"Okay, well I'm going to go somewhere with someone, so, I'll be back around six, in the afternoon."
Somewhere, the beach. Someone, Lia. They were dating, again, but keeping it on the downlow. I didn't blame them, he gets a ton of hate for dating her, considering the age gap.
"And why do you need to wake me up?" I groaned.
"I want to film a video for my channel, with Lia. It's going to be an ask Jia kind of video. And my camera is dead. Plus, it's stupid. Can I use yours?" He got off my bed.
"Wait, I thought you guys were keeping it on the downlow?" I mumbled as I reached over to my bedside table to get my phone.
He shrugged, "I mean, we are. But when we feel comfortable telling everbody, then we will put the video on YouTube. I guess."
I didn't know what to say, so I kept quiet.
"So, can I use your camera or not?" Jc asked again, walking over to my filming equipment, where my camera was.
"Yeah, just don't mess it up. I mean, that's my favorite camera. The others are cheap and worth shit." I laughed.
"I mean, they have some funny old videos on them. You should check them out, if there are videos with me, show me." He responsed.
"I might check them out later." I shrugged as I held my phone in my hands, still not having to of turned it on to check it.
"Thanks. Well I got to go, see you later!" He grabbed my camera and walked out.
I propped myself up against my pillows and checked my phone.
7 new emails.
147 new text messages.
Yes, 147. Although it was multiple messages, it was mainly because Sam blew my phone up with 103 messages. Plus, 14 messages from the guys from O2L in the group chat. And then there was a group text that I was in with Jc and Matt Espinosa which had 3 messages. Two texts were from my mom, telling me that my sister was in town. And one text from Lia, asking where Jc was.
The remaining 24 texts were from a new group text in which I had been just now put into, earlier this morning. I began to read the texts from the beginning.
Jennifer McAllister: I have this really cool idea for a video. And I'd like for you guys to collab with me! Any takers?
Jack (ThatSoJack) Baron: It is fucking 6:27 AM Jennifer. Go to sleep.
Rebecca Black: LOL
Jennifer McAllister: Is that a yes or no on the collaboration lol¿?
Jack Baron: I guess yes. Now let me get my beauty sleep so I can look beautiful.
Jc Caylen: What kind of video?
Jennifer McAllister: Like a reality versus expectations of Coachella.
Jc Caylen: Alright. I'll do it.
Andrea Russett: Can't. Sorry.
Andrea? Jenn ought to know not to put us in a group text together. I stopped reading the text messages as I simply sat there and then laid back down to fall asleep.
-Andrea-
Anger built up inside of me as I kept getting notifications from the group text that Jenn had put me in.
I didn't want to be in it because, oh, I don't know, Jenn and I aren't even friends anymore. Plus, Kian was in that group text, which I had noticed when I looked through whom was in the text.
I remember looking at the 12 names that Jenn had put into the text.
Rebecca Black. Arden Rose. Jc Caylen. Jack Baron. Ricky Dillion. Trevor Moran. Connor Franta. Sam Pottorff. Kian Lawley.
I stopped looking at the other names while I just stared at his name. I shook it off and then continued on.
I was now laying down on my bed. I rolled over and came face-to-face with a large teddy bear, Smalls.
I grunted slightly as I looked at the bear. I had forgotten that last night I laid him on my bed for when I was cleaning my closet.
Smalls is a fluffy teddy bear that Kian had given to me back when we were dating.
I got out of my bed and grabbed Smalls, then stuck him in the back corner of my closet. I walked out of my closet and then laid back down on my bed.
I then began to smell a scent. It smelled exactly like Kian, which was weird. I grabbed a tissue and forcefully blew my nose. I smelled the air, the smell of Kian disappeared.
Lately, I've been seeing and hearing things that remind me of Kian. Every single thing I do, makes me think of Kian.
Last week, I went to the beach with a few friends. As soon as I arrived at the beach, I thought of how Kian and I would go to a new beach every month.
I was my mom one time. She made me pasta. Even that made me think of the times I was with Kian and we would make pasta together.
Every little thing reminds me of him. Everything. I don't know why I keep thinking about him. Especially when it's been sixteen months since the break up. I don't think I miss him. I don't know. Do I?
