To Save My Daughter

Part 27: Dangerous Game

I felt dirty. Used. Cheap. I hate myself for the way I acted! How could I be such a fool? Why did I let my body betray me? Why the hell am I here? Why did I agree to stay in the mad fucked up world that Xander has brought me into? God help me answer. Why? Why? WHY?!?

I quickly slid down off the table, and headed straight into the bathroom. I started running the bath water, and went to the vanity to remove the mountains of make-up on my face. I looked at myself and couldn’t even recognize who I was and what I had become. This wasn’t me. Why did I allow myself to get caught up in this world? I’ve never been one play dress-up. I’ve always lived in the real world of: hard work, bills, mountains of laundry, and quiet nights eating pizza and ice cream in front of the television. I don’t make-out with random men, and let them touch me like that. What the hell am I thinking? How in the hell did a hop from one brother to the other. I’m sick!

After washing my face, I brushed and pulled my hair up into a knot. Taking off the dress and hung it up on the hook behind the door, I slipped off my shoes, and tossed my stockings and panties down the laundry chute. I carefully removed the necklace, and placed it safely on the counter. I can’t accept something that belonged to his mother. It just isn’t right. Especially after what I just did to him; I betrayed him, didn’t I?

Sliding into the water I let it wash my sins away. After a few minutes, I quickly cleaned myself off, and jumped out of the tub. I knew I was racing against time to get into bed, before Xander came up stairs. I couldn’t face him right now, and I didn’t know how I would even if I was able to avoid him until morning.

Slipping on a pair of pajama bottoms, tank, and a hoodie to cover up my body, I peeked out of the closet to see if the coast was clear. Thankfully, the room was empty. Sprinting to the bed, I hopped under the covers, curled up into a ball, and prayed for sleep to overcome me.

I must have finally drifted off, because I didn’t hear Xander come into the room. I only noticed his presence when he crawled into bed and pulled me close to him; wrapping me up in his embrace.

“Why are you wearing that blasted sweatshirt?” He said, while trying to nuzzle my neck.

Thankfully, I had the hood up over my head, so it made him hard for him to actually touch my skin. I knew I couldn’t let him touch my skin. Once he does that, I know I’d be lost again.

“Ava love, take that blasted thing off.”

I refused to budge. I pretended to still be asleep, praying he would get the hint to just leave me alone.

“Ava… I know you’re awake... Stop ignoring me.”

I could feel the tears start to form under my eyelids. I tried to lay there without responding. I could feel the change in Xander’s breathing, and he wasn’t buying my act.

Suddenly, he rolled me over until I was flat on my back. He straddled me, placing both hands on either side of my head. I refused to open my eyes, as I felt his face hovering over mine.

“Damn it Ava. Look at me.”

“No… Just let me go back to sleep.”

“Ava!”

“I can play that game too, Xander! Just please leave me alone.”

Suddenly, I felt Xander lean in and kiss me softly on the lips. I pursed them tightly, not wanting to kiss him back. I knew I shouldn’t be punishing him, for what I did. But I was so confused by my own actions that I just wanted to build a wall thicker and higher around me. Every time I let the wall crumble, I always make the wrong choices.

“Ava, what wrong?”

“Xander, just please leave me alone. It’s late and I’m tired. We’ll talk in the morning, ok. Please.” I pleaded with him.