Something Unexpected

TWENTY-SIX: Baby Steps

I give Dr. Ashe a small smile as I walk towards her.

I'm not surprised by her crisp grey pantsuit and plain black heels. But I was surprised by the fact that she wore her hair down instead of the usual neat updo.

"Hello Alana, you look well." She comments as I fall in step beside her.

"Thanks so do you, I like what you've done with your hair. Did you get low lights?"

"I did. You're very observant Alana."

I nod and walk into her office to take my usual position on the couch. Then our session starts. I tell her about my frustration with Sarah, the weird tension between me and Serena, my panic attack, and more about the times that I've hung out with Grant this week.

And Dr. Ashe just nodded and recorded it all, not offering any insight. She usually waited until the end of our sessions to do that.

"I'm glad to see that you're finally making progress." She finally says after a long dramatic pause.

"Progress? What progress? I still don't get along with Sarah. Serena and I hardly talk and I had a panic attack at school."

"Yes, those are some interesting complications but I'm more concerned with your attempts to push yourself beyond your comfort zone. The panic attack was triggered by your fear of being judged by those around you and the fact that you've pushed yourself too far too soon."

"What are you saying?" I ask.

"Alana, it's not news that you have a social anxiety. You've told me several times about how uncomfortable you feel meeting new people and being around big crowds of people. And contrary to popular belief, it's not always best to just throw yourself into a stressful situation to face your fears. You should be doing it in baby steps."

Baby steps.

"You did right to push yourself to have lunch with Grant, but maybe you should have done it in a more private or less crowded space. Does what I'm saying make sense?"

"Yes." I had to take things slower so that I didn't overwhelm myself. "Do you think I should go to that exhibit next week and Charlie's party?"

"I don't think the party is a good idea. The exhibit might be okay. You seem to be comfortable with Grant, and it's not like you would be pressured to talk to a whole bunch of strangers. Those kinds of events are usually very relaxed and tasteful, I think you should go to that."

I nod and let that sink in. "And what about tonight? Charlie wants to hang out, but I have no idea what I should do?"

"I don't know Alana. Go to a place that you would feel most comfortable. "

I felt the most comfortable at my new room at the Queen house, but I don't think Miranda or Oliver would be okay with that and I don't want Charlie to get the wrong impression either.

"Okay."

"I also think it's a really good idea for you to take up piano. It's nice that Mr. Queen is willing to teach you. I'm sure it will be a great bonding experience for the both of you." She adds.

"I'm actually looking forward to the lessons, and it's strange. I've never really been that interested in learning until I heard him play."

"That's how things are sometimes, I hope that it all works out for you. Do keep me posted on how things go with you tonight and at the exhibit next week. You do know you can email me right?"

"Yes, Dr. Ashe."

She nods and puts her keyboard back onto her desk. "Then I think that concludes our session for today."