Something Unexpected

ELEVEN: Let It Rain

"Hello Alana, I'm Dr. Ashe." She holds out her hand and I hesitate for a second in accepting it.

"Hi."

I follow my therapist down the hall and into her office. It was pretty plain, which was depressing in itself. She sits down behind her dark wood desk and begins typing on her computer.

"So Alana. You're here because your family is very worried about you."

"I don't know why."

Dr. Ashe peers over my questionnaire and raises an eyebrow. "According to both of your sisters you haven't been yourself lately and by looking at your answers to this questionnaire there might be a problem."

"Look, I don't have any kind of problem. I've just been a little stressed lately."

"Stressed about what exactly?" She says as she leans back in her chair.

"Do we really have to do this?"

Dr. Ashe's eyebrows furrow. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, can't we just get to the point? What do you think is wrong with me?" I ask.

Dr. Ashe sighs and types something on her computer. "I don't think you understand how this works Alana. You talk. I listen. Then I give a diagnosis and advice. I hardly know anything about you, even with the bit of information I've gathered from your sisters."

I resist the urge to groan, and instead rub my forehead.

"I can tell that you don't want to be here and that's where we are going to have problems. I can't help you unless you want to help yourself."

"I don't need help! I'm doing just fine on my own."

Dr. Ashe starts typing again and I feel myself becoming more agitated. "I asked your sister Maya to draw me a picture of your family and she says it's okay that I show you."

She stands and leans over her desk to hand me the white paper containing Maya's artwork.

I notice that there are three heads in the clouds. One had a blank face, and the other two were women. However strange that was, the bottom half was a lot more interesting.

Maya and Serena were standing together in a field of grass and flowers under the sun with big smiles on their faces. Then on the far end of the page there was a me standing under a rain cloud with a sad face.

"Children are a lot more perceptive than most are aware of. Maya says she's happy because you don't have to protect her from your mom when she was going "crazy." But she says that she's sad sometimes because you aren't happy and she doesn't know why."

I remain quiet, not exactly knowing how to rationalize this.

"That's when I asked her to draw what you used to be like versus what you're like now." Dr. Ashe stands up and hands me a second drawing before sitting on the edge of her desk.

I look at the paper to see various drawings of me doing different things. On one side I was smiling, with a small bubble that said "La! La! La!" and on the other I had an angry face with a bubble that said "Rawr!"

"She said that you used to sing and smile a lot. She also said that you used to spend a lot of time playing games with her and that you used to read books to her before she went to bed. Then I asked for her to explain the other side and she said that now you're always grumpy or sad. She thinks that you're sick."