Something Unexpected

TWENTY-THREE: Sweet Pea's Dream

It takes me a while to realize that I've been holding Grant's hand for a long time.

But instead of pulling away, I let the warmth of his surprisingly coarse hands soothe me. The nurse seems to understand what's happening to me, but he doesn't comment. Instead he only instructs me to keep trying to take long, deep breaths.

He writes something down from a notepad that was hidden in his blue scrubs then hands it to Grant. Grant looks up and nods, then faces me again.

The nurse gave me a gentle smile and patted my back. "I'm going to call your parents now and let them know what happened."

I shake my head hard. "No! Please..." I beg, I can't manage any more than that.

"I'm sorry but I have to Miss Mitchell, it's policy. But it will be okay, just relax." The nurse leaves and I begin to feel the skin on the back of my hand prickle.

"It's all going to be okay Alana."

"It's not." My eyes close and I could picture Miranda and Oliver's faces as they hear the news. They'd send me away for sure.

"It is." Grant says calmly as his thumb continues to rub the back of my hand.

"They're going to send me away..." My voice is barely above a whisper, but Grant hears me.

"No they won't."

"Yes, they will. They'll begin to realize just how crazy I am and they'll send me away."

What if this time it's not to another foster family or a group home? What if they send me to a psych ward?

"You're not crazy, Alana."

"Yes I am."

"You're not." He insists.

"How could you possibly say that after what you just saw?" I look away from him, no longer able to meet his intense eyes.

"This was just an anxiety attack Alana. A lot of people have them from time to time, and it doesn't mean that they're crazy."

Grant pauses and I stare down at our feet. I feel one of his hands slip under my chin and he slowly lifts it. But I close my eyes before they could meet his again. I just can't do it.

"But I am. I just know it." I exhale a shaky breath and fight back against the urge to cry again.

"Alana, I don't know much about what you came from and what things have been like for you these past couple of years. And I can't even begin to understand what you're feeling and what you're going through, but I know that you aren't crazy. Trust me, I know what crazy is..."

Grant's voice falters and I hear him sniffle, "Alana please. Open your eyes."

I shake my head.

"Please." He begs.

I slowly open my eyes, and see that his were red and glossy. "I need you to know that I'm here for you. No matter what happens after this."

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

Grant's hand slides to the side of my face. "Because I—"

The door opens and the nurse steps back in. He freezes once he takes in our current position.

He clears his throat and continues to walk towards us. "Alana, your foster mother is on her way to pick you up."

I sigh and Grant slowly retreats. My mind aches wondering what he was going to say. Will I ever know?

"I should probably be getting to work then...Will you be alright Alana?" Grant asks. His eyes search my face, and I try my best not to give anything away.