Divergent High: Starting Over

Chapter 24

"I don't want to talk about it," I whisper.

"Fine. You don't have to talk about it. Can you just eat something?" she asks.

"No," I whisper.

"Please. For me. For us," she says. I can't ignore that. I sigh and take a small bite of my Dauntless cake. I look at them.

"Nope. The whole thing. Please," she says. I can't say no to that. I sigh once again and continue to eat my cake. Tris watched me the whole time.

"Are you happy now?" I ask Tris quietly.

"Yes. Very," she answers, and a small little smile makes it's way onto my face.

"Eat," I whisper and turn away from her. I watch her eat her food, and the bell rings. Tris walks over to me.

"Are you ok? Do you need help?" she asks me as I get up out of my seat. I shake my head. "I'm fine."

She walks close by me all of the way to music class. We get there, and I sit down in a seat. Tris sits down a few seats away. Tori walks in, and class starts.

"Ok. So, does anyone want to sing anything?" Tori asks, and no one answers.

"Tris. Why don't you sing something?" she asks.

"Umm. Sure," Tris says and walks up front. She sits down on a stool and picks up one of the guitars.

"Umm. This is a song I'm still working on. But I'll sing what I have. It's called Sea of Emotions," Tris says. She starts playing. After the intro, she starts singing.

There's a sea that controls your inner emotions
You might not believe, it it's one powerful ocean
It knows all of your thoughts, t holds your deepest secrets
It knows your frequent battles, and exactly what you're facing
It knows what you're feeling, it tries to keep you in control
But I have to say the waves are coming
I have the wave of fear crashing on me
I have the wave of fear closing in
I'm scared of what's to come and what has happened
I'm scared for the ones that I love
Please help me, sea of emotions
Please help me
Sea of emotions

She stops singing and puts the guitar down. We all clap for her, and she sits down.

Wow. Her voice amazes me each time I hear it. Her voice mesmerized me. It lures me into an ocean of peace. It calms my aching heart. It fills my broken heart. To bad she's not mine.

"That was great. Hopefully we can hear the rest when it's finished," Tori says. "Ok. Who's next?"

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The bell rings, and I continue to sit there to try to build my strength up. Tris walks over to me.

"Are you ok? Do you need help?" she asks.

"No. I'm fine. Just a little weak," I say and stand up. Tris walks with me to my locker in silence, and then goes to her locker. I pack all of my stuff and follow the gang to Tris's locker. Jax is there too. Tris finishes packing her stuff and turns to us.

"So. Do you guys want to stay at my house tonight?" Tris asks.

"Sure," they all say. I don't. She probably doesn't want me there.

"What about you, Four?" Tris asks me.

"You actually want me to come?" I ask shocked.

"Yeah. Why not?" she says.

"Ok. I guess," I answer. Might as well take this opportunity.

"Ok. Let's get going," she says, and we all walk outside to our cars. We all drive to Tris's house and go up to her room when we get there. We sit down and do all of our homework first.

"So. What do you want to do?" Tris asks.

"Let's play truth or dare," Uriah suggests. Of course. Please say no.

"Ok. I'll start," Tris says. Dang it. Let's hope it won't be embarrassing or awkward between Tris and I.

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The game was ok. Luckily, I didn't have to confess any of my feelings. After the game, we ate dinner and watched a movie. Then we all went to bed. Well, except for me. I'm sitting at the bottom of the steps. I couldn't sleep. Not knowing that the love of my life is in a room with another guy that adores her.

I take out the chain of charms that Tris got me for our five month anniversary. It's been with me since the breakup. I look at each of the charms.

The black tiger. It's supposed to be me. But I've changed. I'm broken. The stormy blue wolf. It's Tris. And she's as perfect as ever. The microphone. It's our dream of being singers. I know it's still her's, but I don't know if it's mine. The person. It was supposed to be our children. That's not gonna happen. She's moved on. The tree. It was supposed to be us in our old age. That won't happen. I let her slip away. And the heart. It's supposed to be the love that we share. I still have that love. But I bet she doesn't.

My life has fallen apart. All because of an uncontrolled response. I could have took control of it. I should have took control of it. But I didn't. And now I'm suffering.

I put the chain of charms back in my pocket and put my head in my hands. What am I going to do? And what was she saying in the nurse's office? I don't know. But I really want things to change.

"Hey."

I jump a little and look beside me. I relax a little when I see Tris.

"Hey," I whisper. I feel like this is going to get awkward.

"Couldn't sleep?" she asks, and I nod my head.

"You?" I ask back.

"Couldn't go back to sleep," she replies.

I nod my head, and a stretch of silence passes between us. Well. I might need to say something.

"I liked your song. It was really good," I finally say. And that's the best I could do. Really?

"Thanks," she replies. I can tell she's thinking something. I just don't know what. I might as well tell her what I heard in the nurse's office.

"I heard what you said. While I was asleep," I tell her.

"Oh. You did?" she asks.

"Yeah. Well, part of it," I answer. "And I agree with you. I hate how we can't talk to each other. It kills me."

"You know. Just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean we can't talk to each other anymore," she says.

"Yeah. I would love to be able to talk to you again," I say. And be with you again. But remember what Dad said Tobias. If you can't have her as your girlfriend, you will need her as your best friend.

"Ok. From now on we're friends that love to talk. But you have to start eating," she explains. A smile makes it's way on my face. At least she still cares about me.

"Ok. Deal," I say.

"Well. I better get back to bed. Don't stay up too late," she says.

"Ok. I won't," I reply.

She gets up and walks up the stairs.

"Good night," I whisper. "I love you."

I sigh and sit there for another minute. I then get up and walk to the guest room. The gang gave me the bed since I haven't been sleeping. I crawl under the covers and close my eyes.

At least I have Tris as a friend now. Because she's the one that I need.