I Need You So Much (Oliver Sykes Fan Fic)

Forgive Me For All My Sins

Song: Lonely Girl by Tonight Alive

Chelsea

I stared into space at my purple walls. I hadn't eaten in days, but I wasn't hungry. I was barely aware of my bed, which I was lying on. I just kept replaying my fight with Oliver in my head. I hadn't gotten up from this bed for days unless it was to go to school. 

The night of our fight, I had decided to ask my dad if I could move in with him full time and he had agreed. The only reason I had really wanted to stay at my mums was so I could be closer to Oliver, but right now I was questioning if I ever wanted to see him again. Also, my mum's house held too many memories. When I was in my room I was reminded of the first time Oliver and I had sex. When I was in the kitchen I was reminded of cooking Oliver's birthday dinner. When I was in the living room I was reminded of Oliver's birthday when we ate like a picnic on the floor. I just needed to get out. My first night of being here I had spent my time ripping down the pictures from my wall that included Oliver. Just seeing his face brought me pain.

He had tried to call me twenty-four times and texted me at least five times a day. He'd had Nicholls call me multiple times as well. I had eventually turned off my phone. I didn't want to talk to him or Nicholls if they were just going to tell me how we should get back together. I just wanted to forget I ever met him. I had shut out everyone; Nicholls, Lee, Matt, Curtis, even Tom. Oliver may be bothering me every other second, but I could tell he doesn't love me anymore. I could tell by the way he acted that day. I was afraid if we made up, it would just get worse.

I started cutting again even though I promised Oliver I wouldn't hurt myself anymore. It just seemed like the only way to get the relief I was looking for. Besides that, he didn't love me anymore. He was suppose to be the one to take away my pain so I wouldn't need to cut anymore, but he wasn't here. He was the one who caused the pain. Although, I still love him, I know the feelings weren't mutual.

Suddenly there was a knock on my door. I didn't say anything, hoping whoever it was would just go away, but no such luck. A few moments later, Abby sat down next to me on the bed. No one knew what had happened and I liked it that way. 

"Sweetheart, do you want something to eat?" she questioned. Every time Joe came up to tell me dinner was ready, I had just said I wasn't hungry or I had too much homework to go eat with everyone else. Even though Joe was eight, I knew he saw through my lies.

I just shook my head and continued staring. "You really need to eat. It's not good starving yourself like this," she told me as if I didn't already know this. To be honest, just the thought of food seemed repulsive to me right then.

"I eat lunch," I lied. It was the first words I had spoken all day so my voice came out crackly. I cleared my throat. It felt weird to talk. The only person I had ever really talked to was Oliver.

She didn't push any food on me. "Do you wanna talk, Chelsea? It seems like somethings wrong," she told me. She smoothed down my hair lovingly. I swear this women loved me more than my own mum. "You can trust me," she added when I didn't say anything.

I took a deep breath. She obviously wasn't going to give up. I gave her a quick summary of what had happened, her frowning the whole time. "I know this sounds selfish, but I don't want him to leave. I need him. I know he's was going to graduate this year anyway, but he's stuck up for me so much this past year and I don't think I can go to school without him being there and make it out alive," I added when I was done. I felt bad saying all those things out loud, but it was the way I felt. I really needed Oliver at school. Without him, I would be an open target for bullies. I didn't want that. I wanted him to stay with me.

"Well, Chelsea, I think you need to tell him that. I don't think you're going to change his mind, but he should know how you feel about the situation. In the end, if you really love him you need to support him while he follows his dream. I know he'll do the same when you're a famous author one day," she told me, smiling at the last part. She was right of course, but I didn't want to admit that I was wrong. I guess I had no other choice if I wanted Oliver back, which I did. Well, I wanted the old Oliver back, not the new one who thought he was too good for me.