To Love the Hate

That Word (Part 2)

I hope he didn't notice.

He lead me to a restaurant. I let him chose and ordered my food.

As the waiter left us, the silence became awkward.

Sometimes I hate myself. I don't know how to start a conversation. What should I tell him?

I hate situations like this. I feel so stupid. Boys should be the first to open or start a conversation. He should know that. Sitting here on my seat with an awkward silence atmosphere makes me uneasy.

Sigh...

Okay... what about the marriage? No, this is not the right time. How about likes and dislikes? So girly...

Okay... I give up.

"You don't like the food? You must have told me" I came back to my senses as he spoke.

I look at him, puzzled.

Then the realization hit me. Our food has been already served.

He was about to call the waiter when I stop him. "It's okay, I mean I just... spaced out." I explained. The awkwardness between us vanished.

"But you look at the food, disgusted" he said, my blood starts to boil.

'It's my fault, don't blame him... you can't' I thought.

I fight the urge to spat back.

"I'm hungry, can we just eat?" I asked as I exhaled. He curtly nod. I observed how he acts and I felt something's wrong. "Are you okay?" I asked. He didn't answer.

*Sigh

I start eating my food. I really don't want to deal with his problem right now. I didn't even take my breakfast.

"Stop" He ordered. His eyes were hard and cold. What did I do wrong? He drop his fork louder than the normal noise.

"What is your problem?!" I half shouted, half whispered. "If you don't want the food, don't eat it" he answered. I look at him, confused. "What the? Look I'm hungry. For Goodness's sake, don't stop me from eating because I didn't take my breakfast!" I said almost pleading.

He sighed.

"I thought you didn't like the food" he said. I chuckled.

"I was touched to you for showing some concern" I said and I mean it.

"It was just because you are my fiancée" he answered.

That word. I want to slap myself from being stupid. He's right.

Why would he show some concern to me? Because I am his fiancée. I am just his fxcking fiancée.

A single word that means nothing.

I continue chuckling to masked the pain.

My phone rings. Thank God for whoever it is.

I checked the caller's ID.

It's Adam.