Please read the note below~~~
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Sitting beside the window of my class
Wondering who am I as I gaze outside
Am I just one of those numerous weeds that thwart on the grass
Unwanted by all deep-deep inside?
Am I just one of those weak trees
That continuously sway by the wind of confusion?
Am I a vacant seat waiting for someone to seize
To be used and abandoned again without hesitation?
They say 'good' is what I must always think
I'm suppressed downright by pessimism I swear
Do they not know there's a limit of everything?
Why do I feel I don't belong anywhere?
I am no longer who I was or who I want to be
Why do I not feel like living anymore?
These disturbing thoughts don't let me be just me
Why do I feel so sour?
I thought I was a sapphire gleaming in someone's heart
Little did I know I was long outcast by diamonds
Whose gloss worth more than the love on my part
I am an art washed off by the tide on the sands.
Why can't I be the master of my own action?
Why can't my tongue speak magic?
Why have I lost interest in things that were once my passion?
Why has my life become so tragic?
Why have I begun to hate the ones I loved madly?
Why do my eyes well up for every petty thing?
Why do trivial matters get me agitated so badly?
For how long anguish behind a fake smile will I be masking ?
I am scared of my own shadow
For how long will my heart like a container store?
I knew the old pain would sear me again all over
For how long will this life I secretly abhor?
Why does my head buzz with pain?
Depression seems to swallow me inside
Why is there high and extreme low again?
Why am I so annoying and reckless side by side?
Love has trapped me in a vicious cycle with no ends
I don't know what to do, there's no one I can pour myself into
Sometimes I'm consumed in nostalgia and reminiscence
Cuz I miss you so much and then reproach myself for thinking so.
Everything I do now seems wrong
Why am I not in control of my emotions?
Somehow dragging my existence like a melancholy song
Thy cycle begins again and eventually all I have is regret in galore.
My mind is not at peace somehow
So does my conscience constantly pricking me
Nothing to me seems to allure now
Rejected and ignored by the world I am you see.
Disappointment, regret, guilt and some more disappointment
Is all that defines my turned-to-grey life
All hopes fade, I feel like locking myself away from everyone in a far-off land
But... I don't want to merely survive...
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Update after ages! Sorry for the delay and the length of this poem. I was just not satisfied with the content by shortening it.
Ok usually I write poems which give a solution to some problem and are generally inspirational with a message but this one is an open-ended poem. It depicts a situation I rarely talk about; depression and exhaustion from life and I have given no solution to it because I want you all to give me one which according to you sounds best.
Tell me what this person can do to relive her old life again cuz I practically can't find a proper solution.
Ps. Thanks for the 1.68k reads!
Love~
Namra
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