The Bitter Start.

Chapter twenty four

When I woke, it was pitch dark, and I was on something soft. Something familiarly soft, and in the shade of the bright moonlight striking in from the window of the curtains, I saw a figure just sitting at the end of the bed, back facing me, and his familiar back of his head facing me also.

I pulled myself up with my palms and I searched his back for those tensed muscles or stiff neck, but they weren't there.

"I'm sorry." I said hoarsely. He either ignored me or just didn't know what to say back, and I was teetering in the middle of both.

"I just know how much you wanted it, and I couldn't bring myself to tell you. You always touched my stomach, held it, hugged it, kissed it, how was I supposed to be open and just come out with something like that. Saying that to you earlier was the first time I had said it to anyone, and it hurt me to admit that to myself.. I kept trying to make it better by saying we couldn't, that you had work, and I had jobs, and we both had lives and this world was just horrible, but no matter how many excuses I made, I didn't feel better. So if I felt hurt and miserable and broken up about this, I accounted you. I tried to keep it from you so you wouldn't be hurt." I said and he turned toward me, the gleam going on his face and it lit it up, making me see his eyes and frame.

"So you kept it all in and silently distanced from me into another mans arms.. I'd rather hear about our baby dying and you talk to me about this instead of you being with another guy and talking to him about it." he said and I felt that constriction in my throat.

"I promise on everything I am that you are the only person who I've been driven closer to. You should know me by now, I can run, and talk shit and fight off easily, but cheating, lying, and outspoken feelings are not one of the things I do." I said and he looked away.

"Ok." he said simply and I stood up, walking to him, noticing I was in some track shorts and a tee shirt. He changed me.

I stood in front of his sitting form.

"Ok?" I asked and he nodded.

"I believe you. I forgive you." he said easily and I swallowed, moving forward and straddling his lap now. He lightly put his arms on my waist but didn't make any kind of move, just put his head on my shoulder.

"Thank you.." I said and he put a slight peck to my neck.

"Are you going to lay down and go to bed, or are you going to sit here all night?" I asked and he hugged me tighter.

"I'm going to go to my office and work on some things." he said simply, and I pulled back.

"Ok.." I said and he nodded. I leaned in for a kiss and he kissed my lightly, hastily and then that was it. He moved me off of him and got up.

"What was that?" I asked, and he shrugged.

"What was what?" I grabbed his arm.

"Don't. Are you still angry or something? Tell me;" I said and he looked to me.

"I talked to Sawyer.. He said you saw the baby. What happened?" he asked and I looked away, tears in my eyes slightly.

"I uh, I moved around a little of what I said to him, being careful," I said as I swallowed.

"I didn't just see it, but she let me hold it, and lay with it.. You don't even begin to understand how hard it was for me to breathe when I saw it. It's not just something, describable. Because it hurt, more than I've hurt in a long time." I said and he stared at me for a moment. He nodded.

"I'll be in my office if you need me." he said and I walked forward.

"Why?" he turned towards me.

"I am finding out about this months later. I need time." he said and I looked away.

"Fine. I'll give you space also. I'll be back later, I just need to go for a walk." I said, but he shook his head.

"No. Knowing you, you'll bail." he said but I shook my head.

"I promised I wouldn't leave you, I'm not about to break that." I said and he stared at me for a moment and then nodded.

"Fine. Report to me when you get back then." he said and I nodded, and just walked out and down the stairs, soon out of the house and just walking.