CALUM'S POV
that's the problem with me. for the past years i've done my best to build these walls around me. i've tried my best to not care, to be on my own, to be isolated. all these years of being invisible was taken away when i met jessica. she came out of nowhere and made her way into my life faster than i expected her to. heck, it took her almost a week before i was all over her.
and that's what scares me.
i don't want to disappoint her.
once i get out of this hell hole i don't know what's bound to happen to me. am i fucked up? yes. am i a mess? yes. am i a nephew who's gonna be treated like a son? no. i'm gonna fucking die out there.
i'm afraid to let her down. i'm afraid to be away from her. i'm afraid i'll be replaced. i'm afraid i'll mess this up. all these thoughts and what if's are making my head hurt.
i sat up straight as quiet as possible since i remembered she was sleeping right beside me.
there it hit me again, she's the reason this hell hole wasn't much of a hell hole to me. she's the reason i found my happiness back. she made some hella changes in this messed up life of mine, she made me feel alive again.
my thoughts are all over the place and just when i took a deep and dramatic sigh whilst closing my eyes, she started to toss and turn. i looked over to her before propping my elbows up and resting my head on the palm of my hand, trying my best not to wake her up as i watched her slightly snore. i used my free hand to push the hair out of her face so i could see her clearly.
"you might want a photo, it lasts longer" she smirked, eyes still closed.
my eyes widened to the realization that i might have looked like a creep, watching her while she "slept". a blush- man blush crept it's way up my cheeks and i silently mumbled a thank you since it was too dark so it was impossible for her to see.
"y-you're you're awake" what the fuck was that? i just stuttered.
"i i i- think i i am, c-calum" she mocked, eyes still closed as she chuckled softly. i gave her a quick glare remembering she couldn't see me after all.
i let myself relax on the bed, staring up the ceiling like there was something so interesting about it. i felt jessie's hand creeping over mine and like instinct my hands grabbed hers, taking her hand in mine and intertwining our fingers.
she gave me a light squeeze before i felt lips peck my own. then again a "man-blush" made its way to my cheeks.
"cal, this is impossible" she spoke out of nowhere, like the usual. "what is?"
"you and me, it's just so impossible. not just because we just met but just because..." i felt the smile fall from her face even though it was dark, i could tell her expressions. even my smile faded the moment she said what she wanted to say.
"well then, you've made the impossible, possible." i answered, trying to lighten up the mood which was about to die, i assume. i just don't want to lose her. not now, not tomorrow. i just can't. as cheesy as it sounds, she's the only family i have left. yes she's family to me. well, maybe michael's family to me too and her friends sooner or later but she's different.
"calum"
"jessica"
"you have me" she reassured as if she just read my mind. i tried my best to smile as i reached over her to pinch her cheek
"and you have me"
"fuck your asshole of an uncle" she chuckled harshly.
"i can't. that'll be gross and kind of an incest"
"calum" she warned, squeezing my hand.
"what"
"stop mocking me, i love you"
"and i love you"
"don't die" this was one of those times where i couldn't tell if she was joking or just seriously reminding me about the life that awaits me outside of this cage.
