"hey what's wrong callie-wag?"
calum sighed before shuffling closer to me. once he was close enough, he leaned his head on my shoulder. "let's get out"
"you could've just said you wanted to walk around, no need to be touchy" i laughed, looking at him whilst he continues to play around with my fingers.
"i meant out of this place" he sighed, "i'm not supposed to be here"
i moved out of his touch and sat in a criss cross position right in front of him. "tell me things about yourself, calum"
"only if you tell me about yourself" he answered sitting the same way in front of me.
it thrilled me finally getting to talk to calum. he was ready to open up. maybe just maybe we'd get along well, because by the looks of it, we're starting to get comfortable with each other.
"why were you sent here?" i asked him.
"long story short, i was accused of something i didn't do." i was expecting a longer answer but maybe he still felt uneasy about telling other people his situation so i went with it. "you?"
"accused with possession of cannabis"
"do you really?"
"my friends do, i don't. i tried it once and that first time i tried it, we got caught. fucking amazing"
i knew he chuckled silently trying not to be obvious. but i saw it. i saw the crinkles by his eyes. i know my story was quite dumb but it was a serious matter as our families used to say.
"ever had a boyfriend?" he asked, head bowed low, "haven't had one since i came out of my mom's womb"
"girlfriend?"
"thought of someone but never really told her anything about it"
there it goes. that tight uneasy feeling in my chest. why would i even expect? calum was attractive and he had the perfect personality. of course calum had his eyes on someone, he could probably get anyone he wanted but no, he had to keep his eyes on that girl he's talking about.
maybe i've only met calum nights ago.
maybe i was just starting to befriend him.
maybe i was jealous.
i was desperate for love. i mean, who wouldn't be? i had a shit family and i lived far away from them. i lived with my aunt in the city while they were somewhere being happy without me. maybe i tried to find someone who'd make me happy. maybe i tried to find a boy. maybe i thought calum was the one. maybe i'm wrong.
that's right, i'm always wrong.
maybe i should just give up. you know, people always said things like love finds you, you don't look for it, something along the lines of that. maybe i should wait.
but i got so comfortable with calum in such a short time i'm afraid i'd get attached.
i'm afraid i'll hurt myself.
i'm afraid i'm wrong.
i'm afraid of falling.
i'm afraid of losing him.
he's not even mine but i'm already scared with the thought of losing him.
i'm afraid to want calum.
i'm afraid to need calum.
but i think i'm already starting to.
i'm scared with the thought of calum wanting another girl.
i'm scared of seeing him smile without me.
another girl, making the boy i love smile.
jesus, jess, you don't love him.
"jessie what now?"
"wh-what now?"
"it's your turn to ask silly" he started to let out another one of his silent laughs.
"oh, uh, i'm kinda tired maybe next time? i'm gonna head back to my room" i mumbled quietly before struggling to find my keys. i knew he was watching me but i tried to ignore, although i was having a hard time to.
"i think they're on the coffee table, jess"
"oh yeah, right. left them there. ok, i'll see you tomorrow" i answered.
"good night jessie" i felt bad for just nodding back at him before quickly opening the door, "jess, it's monday"
"what?"
"i'll see you on monday"
i totally forgot we were locked up on sundays. monday to thursday we get to go to school and have a normal day. every friday we're ordered to go to school and do different services, community services and etcetera. every saturday we get to have our keys and roam around but give it back before 9pm. then on sundays we were locked up in our rooms like normal prisoners talking to the wall.
"yeah, see you then"
