Seen Not Heard || BOOK 1

Fires and Forests

Chapter Eighteen ~ Idina

*"Riley!" I say hurt that she told my secret crush.

"She's been hiding it all this time," Maya adds.

"Maya, guys, stop, please," I beg.

"It's why she wouldn't watch you at the rodeo," Riley continues.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"I saw you Idina," she says standing, "I saw how much you really care."

"It's why she gives you nicknames and sometimes makes fun of you, I think," Maya says, standing as well, but she goes over to where Farkle stands, letting Riley take charge.

"Riley, what are we?" Lucas asks standing up and looking at her. I turn towards Maya and Farkle, trying to hide the pain.

"I told you what we are." she replies.

"What if that's not what I think we are." He says.

"Well then, you better start thinking of us like that," she says before walking over to Maya and Farkle.

"Riley, I-"

"Lucas! We will always be there for each other," she directs to him, then to a still sitting me, "Like Maya, you stepped back, you hid your feelings! All for me and Maya. I know that you stepped back, you kept quiet about it all." She ends as she, Maya, and Farkle leaves to get ice cream. Lucas huffs and sits back down.

"What's going on?" Lucas asks. I don't know whether to me or himself, but I still respond.

"I don't know anymore," I reply.

"I'm her brother now?"

"Titles aren't everything," he looks into my eyes, as we sit on the same log.

"You like me?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know anymore," I reply just as confused as he is.

"Idina, why didn't you want me to ride in the rodeo?"

"Because I didn't want my friend getting hurt?"

"Friends? So that's what you think we are?"

"Lucas, you have always tried to protect me, whether from afar or up close. Without you as my friend, even when I was in Houston and you were here, I don't know if I would have made it to see the day I left for New York. Having even just one friend, it kept me going."

"I've always been your friend, since the day we met. I like your perspective of life. I like your analysis of The Perks of Being A Wallflower, I like the way you wrinkle your nose and adjust your glasses when you're nervous."

"You know, when I fit met you, I was kind of afraid. I mean here you were, this big tree, and I was just a girl trying to get her purse back. Back then you seemed somewhat... dangerous. But, I only ever thought that for a moment. Until I met you until I looked into your big blue kind eyes."

"You couldn't watch me ride," he says.

"I couldn't watch you ride," I reconfirm, "If anything were to have happened to you I don't know what I would have done," I sigh, and turn back to the fire, as I move a log away from him, "Can we just... can we just look at this fire, please?"

"Yes," he says. So here I am now, just sitting by a dimming fire. I feel it's pain, as though slowly dying. I catch Lucas staring at me.

"Stop," I demand standing up, "Can it just all stop? I just want everything to stop. You said the truth will set you free, well this truth is just making my life more of a mess! Maya and Riley both like you, no matter what either of them says. I know it, you know it, everyone knows it! I'm just an extra problem you don't need." I say starting to back away.

"Idina stop," he says, grabbing my arm, "because you are not a problem. You never have been and you never will be," he lets go of my arm, but turns me towards him, "I've liked Riley since the day she fell into my lap on the subway. I've liked Maya since she became Riley, and I realized how much I need her in my life. But you, well, I've liked you since the first day we met at the rodeo, and your purse led me right to you. A girl, who would instantly change my life from the moment she opened her mouth, and rolled her beautiful brown eyes." I start to panic.

"I can't do this to them. Maya and Riley are two of the only true friends I've ever had in my life-" he grabs my face pulling it in but pausing before our lips almost touch.

"W-Why did you do that?" I ask, our lips still close to each other.

"I don't know. I just wanted you to stop," he says, "Please don't tell my sister," he jokes about Riley. I chuckle a little, then huff, pushing his hands off my face.

"Oh, so that's it? Couldn't you think of another way to stop me?"

"Not at the time. No."

"Good to know that's all that was."

"I-I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry Lucas, of course, I like you. You're a good guy. Kind, sweet, and protective of me. I just don't know what to do with these feelings, though. Maybe it's just a phase..."

"Idina, I wanna try something, will you let me? I promise it's nothing bad," he asks. I shakily nod my head. He slowly but gently wraps his hands around my face once more. His palms press upon my cheeks as his fingers encircle them, bringing my lips to his. And in the light of the dimming fire, we share a kiss. Soft and sweet, but a little intense. It's almost like a quick peck but feels as though it's lasted a lifetime. After the kiss his hands still rest on my face.

"I-I can't do this... I'm sorry," I fling his hands off my face.

"Idina!" he yells after me, "Just promise me you'll just go back to the cabin. I don't want you getting hurt." he says with urgency.

"Okay," I say, before walking into the woods. He sits back down, staring at the fire in confusion.

As I walk back to the cabin I push through the trees. I'm breathing hard, and my head hurts with confusion. I come upon a small lake, and sit down by it. The beauty of the ripples calm me.

The kiss was nice, beautiful even, but something about it just felt... wrong. It didn't feel like it was meant to be. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I get back to the cabin. How am I going to handle things with Lucas? What about Farkle?

And now, I'm lost in a forest of my heart.

*some lines in chapter direct lines, or variations of lines from GMW*