Seen Not Heard || BOOK 1

The One That I Want, I Think

Chapter Nineteen ~ Farkle

As I throw my ice cream cone in the trash can all I can think about is Idina. Riley and Maya both sit eating their mocha chocolate chip cones. I stand up from the table.

"Guys, I can't do this. Okay, I can't just sit here waiting," I yell at them.

"Farkle, she has to work out her feelings with Lucas," Maya says.

"She has to see if it's what she wants," Riley says, "Maya and I still like him, but we had time for him to think about each of us individually in that way. It's time to give her that equality."

"Yeah, well, I'm not going down without fighting for..." they roll their eyes at me when I pause, I guess they know, "for the girl I like," I say with a grin, then I run off into the forest, towards the fire. When I finally can't see the light of the town anymore I stop running, and breath. After pushing through a few more trees I come across a small lake. I sit down on a rock, and just stare at it as the moon reflects on it like a mirror. I smile at it because it reminds me of Idina. A light shining through her somewhat dark life.

*"You know, I'm trying my best, but some days are hard." I hear a voice I know speak just barely above a whisper. I turn to see little ways down the lake, sitting on a stone Idina looking up to the sky. I guess she hasn't seen me yet. I look at her, still focused on the sky.

"Like today, today was such a hard day," she continues to the sky, "But I'm trying. I know we haven't caught up in a while. I made some new friends. You aren't the only one anymore. Yay for me, I guess. I've made more than just friends. See there's this guy, a cowboy, and boy is there a lot of things going on between us. But then, there's this other guy with the most peculiar name. Farkle, I love it. I think I love more than just the name. I don't know, what Lucas and I did just didn't feel right. I'm just so confused, maybe it's just a migraine. At least, I'm used to those. This is new, different, I'm not used to this. What do I do?" She looks down at her bracelet, then back up.

"Can you see me up there? Is it nice? Can you even hear me? Or am I just talking to nobody, can anyone hear? Or does no one care?" I've had enough.

"I care!" I shout, getting up from my stone to reveal myself. She turns to see me, her eyes rimmed with tears. I walk over to a stone next to her, and sit down. I take her hand.

"Farkle, I didn't know you were here. Did you hear..."

"Yeah I heard, and I care. Were you talking to God?"

"No," she's almost crying, "A-Angie, she was my best friend when I was in third grade. She was in second; we met on the playground, everyone had recess at the same time. We ate lunch and sometimes hung out together. Until, she got sick. It was real bad. Cancer. They said she wouldn't even make it a month. She made it six. She was a fighter. She was the closest thing I had to a friend, until yall. I-I talk to her sometimes, when I need her the most. I don't know, maybe I'm being selfish, taking up her time up there, but I need her right now."

"Why do you need her?" I ask, "What's wrong? Please tell me, I only want to help," I worriedly ask, she stares at me.

"Farkle something happened between me and Lucas."

"It's okay Idina, I knew something was going to. You need to work out your feelings with him," I leave out the fact that I too like her.

"W-We kissed." I feel a small sting of pain. I knew she had to work out her feelings with Lucas, but I didn't know it would go that far. I smile at her and rub her hand with my other one.

"It's okay. I'm not upset..." but then I realize what I've said, "Not that I would have a reason too." I say releasing her hand.

"You wouldn't?"

"Do you want me to?"

"I don't know. Did you want to be upset about it?" She looks at me, "I-I like you Farkle, a lot. But, still I have some unresolved feelings for Lucas I don't know what to do with. I'm just so confused." I turn her face towards me.

"Idina, I really, really like you to. And what I'm feeling, it only grows with every moment I'm with you," I say, "And I have to admit, I was kinda sad when you told me you kissed Lucas."

"The kiss... something about it, just didn't feel right. And I know Maya and Riley both like him because no matter what Riley says she still has feelings for him. I know my best friends, and they both do. Hurting either of them would be my worst nightmare, but I keep having this attraction to him," as she says this I look down in jealousy that Lucas still has her heart, "but then there's you, Farkle," I look up at her kind brown eyes through her glasses, "I love your kind heart, how your brain is so powerful, and yet you still keep your morals a priority. You would give anything for your friends, and you see right through me. Something about you... it makes my tornado of a life run a little smoother."

"I'll always love you, even if you think your life is a mess. Life is meant to be messy. That's what makes it beautiful. Almost as beautiful as you," I take her hand, she's staring at me. She leans her head the slightest bit in, and puts her other palm on my cheek, letting her fingers caress my hair. Our other hands still intertwined, I meet her lips. They're a thousand times softer than I'd imagined. They taste sweeter than my wildest dreams. She leans into the kiss, thankfully, reciprocating the feelings I've just proclaimed. As we release our noses still lightly touch. She smiles at me.

"Wow," I whisper.

"Farkle. Thank you,"

"For what?"

"For giving me more to think about, I need some time," her hand leaves my cheek, her other one still holding mine, "I think I'm gonna head back into town for a little while, but I'll catch up with y'all back at the cabin."

"Okay, are you sure you don't want me to walk you there?" I say as we stand.

"Yeah I'm sure I just need a little space."

"Was it something I did," her eyes widen.

"No! I swear, please don't think that it's anything like that. I just need some time to think some things over," she kisses my cheek, and whispers in my ear, "I'll see you soon. Promise." I almost melt. She goes off towards the town, and I start back towards the cabin.

Maybe tonight is the night everything will change. Will it be for the better, or worse?

*some lines in chapter direct lines, or variations of lines from GMW*