❁J O E S U G G❁

❁Regret❁

Joes POV
I wandered in to the busy town full of people with shopping bags in hand. My headphones were placed firmly in both ears, don't get me wrong I don't hate people I just didn't want to .. Well socialise. I just needed a memory card, milk and some more shampoo. I walk through the sea of people. I walked in to the supermarket looking down the isles to find milk and a memory card. Why do they have move everything like- I stopped in my tracks. It can't be. No. Oh my god yes it is. It was Y/N. Her face clear as day on a book. Holy crap. She looked beautiful. I remember Y/N she was from my secondary school. She asked me out in year 11. I said no and her friends laughed at her. I felt bad but then I couldn't just go out with someone because I feel awkward. I can't believe after all these years and she on a book in my local supermarket. I pick one of the books up a pop it in my trolley, what?! it looks interesting! I was wandering through the store. I wonder what would have happened if I would have gone out with her? I think to myself. Would we still be dating now? No we couldn't have because of colleges. But we could have. She's so out of my league now though. I wonder what she is doing now? Thoughts clouded my mind as I walked through the supermarket. Right milk. I thought to myself I found the milk and put a a bottle in the trolley. Now where to find a memory card I walk along scanning the isles. I walk down the stationary isle. There she was again. Y/N. She had her own stationary range? I wonder what she does? If she has got a book and a stationary range? I pick up a memory card. And I flick through Y/Ns book skim reading in as I pushed my trolley to the checkouts. 'Sorry sir you need to pay for that before you start reading it' a worker said taking it out of my hands placing it in the trolley. I roll my eyes 'sorry' I mumble. I proceed to the checkout. I pay for my items and put them in my bag. I'm not paying 5p for a carrier bag! I walk to superdrug to get some shampoo. I push through the doors and I already realised this was going to be a challenge. Isles upon isle of make up, cosmetics and toiletries. I walk down the isles individually. Now Y/N is in my mind I can't get her out I can't help thinking about how she looked at prom or if we went to prom together. Y/N was always one of those girls that was a bit of everything, she was sporty, she could draw, she was intelligent, she was a prefect but she was also like a ninja she'd have her blazer sleeves rolled up, nail varnish on, jeans instead of school trousers, on her phone nothing mega but other kids got sent home for it but because she was seen as "shy" and she wasn't on the teachers radar as a bad kid, she never got in trouble once at that school. She was one of those girls that just cared for everyone and took all of the slack everyone gave her. If you didn't fully know her you'd say she's a goody two shoes. She knew everyone but not everyone knew her. She's the kinda girl you'd over look but would care if she was gone.

I carried on looking for shampoo. As I walked half way down the isle where I think there should be some shampoo. I heard shrieks of teenage girls. 'OMG I CANT ACTUALLY BELIEVE WE HAVE FOUND Y/NS BEAUTY AND MAKE UP RANGE' they squeal making my ears prick up I walk over to where they were crowded. 'Who is this Y/N girl?' One of the snobby girls towards the back of their group ask so thankfully I didn't have to. 'Oh my actual god Jessica why are we even friends with you if you don't know who y/n is?' Another girl scowled at her 'she is a YouTube sensation with a best selling book beauty range make up range and own set of stationary' one explained very smug 'and she now has over 4 million followers on Twitter 7 million subscribers and is the second most followed women from the uk on Instagram, she is single handedly taking the world by storm' another added. Holy shit. 'Hi girls I over heard your conversation do you know Y/NS Twitter name' I ask hoping they don't rip me limb from limb. 'Well of course it is @yourtwittername' a taller girl told me 'follow her and make sure to subscribe' one informed me 'and also have one of the make up bags' one girl placed one in my shopping basket giggling as I walked away.  Holy crap the y/n I knew is now a YouTube sensation with over 7 million subscribers. I quickly  grab the first men's shampoo I saw payed and hurried home. I got into my apartment threw my bag to the ground and grabbed my laptop off the coffee table. I typed in Y/NS name on YouTube I scroll through her videos. One caught my eye entitled: Boyfriend Tag from 7 months ago. I clicked it. And proceeded to watch. I could not keep my eyes off Y/N. Immediately I could tell something was off about her boyfriend. He used to always be on her channel and it looks like recently he isn't on there at all. After the video ended. I saw her vlogging channel pop up on my recommended. I subscribe to both channels and I was about to watch another video when I saw she had uploaded a new video just 5 minutes ago. The thumbnail made my heart drop. It was Y/N. Crying. I click on the video. 'Hi guys' she started with a sigh 'so I don't usually film videos like this and I never wanted to film this video but you lot have a right to know especially as my life and job is on the Internet I'm going to keep this as unedited as possible and I decided to put this on my second channel as I didn't want to bring my main channel down or make it seem as if I'm asking for sympathy which im not and I just wanted to keep it Lowkey as it were but I thought you should know' she took a breath 'so as you may remember my boyfriend Sean he was in a few of my videos before well as you may have noticed he hasn't been in well any of my videos recently and I have been getting so many questions about it and asking if we were okay or what happened are we still going out and at first I thought it was okay, it's my fault that our relationship was so public but as I have said this is my job and I don't think it's right to hide it from you I think we left it long enough and I thought I was at least going to have some kind of future with this man, obviously I'm not going to say every man I have been on a date with, but in my opinion I left it long enough and if I was a viewer I would want to know. But as I was saying he has been in barely any vlogs or any videos and that's because he was at work nearly every single day and I rarely saw him. Now two weeks ago I was looking through his bag because I had lost my headphones as per usual and I stumbled across a train ticket for the day before to Brighton. But the day before he was supposed to be working from his office in London. So I was getting suspicious but I thought nothing of it. He probably just had to pop there for business and didn't want to worry me. I made up all these excuses in my head. Then 3/4 days ago I had to go to Brighton for my beauty range' tears welled in her eyes 'I was happily walking down to my meeting I got into my meeting and I sat with my manger as a women talked me through ideas and in the brake I got talking to her, she seemed like a nice lady. I saw a beautiful ring on her engagement finger "So who's the lucky man?" I asked her "oh he's called Sean" and Sean is a common name so thought nothing of it "really my boyfriend is called Sean to" I tell her and then my boyfriend comes in and kisses her on the cheek "this is him" she tells me. I stormed out of the meeting room. So he cheated on me this whole relationship was a lie' she sniffed. My heart shattered for her. 'I didn't tell you all this because I want you to hate him or to make him seem like the bad guy I just told you this way so you'd know the reason we aren't even friends anymore I'm also going to be putting some of the videos he was in on private at least for the minute not because I'm bitter but because it's all to much to look at him i may delete this video after its all settled down just because when I film any video I see it as making a memory and I don't want this to define me I hope you all understand' she signed off. A single tear trickled down my cheek. I never normally cry but to see Y/N that hurt and broken, saddens me. What an asshole. Then my phone pinged. @yourtwittername: now that's out of the way time to get some dinner :)
Then it pinged a second time.
@yourtwittername followed you back!
My heart jumped in subtle excitement. I debate wether to DM her or not. I mean does it seem to clingy. Like she only just followed me back. Would she even want me to DM her. Well I might as well DM her now. I write out a whole paragraph about her book her ex prom everything. Then I delete it all. I write another paragraph. Nope to risky. Then I delete it all. Right cut the bullshit. Grow some balls Joe. I type Hey :) X in to my phone and quickly hit send before I changed my mind. I put my phone down and leave it.

Your POV
I was snuggled up in my apartment, hot chocolate in hand, Jeremy Kyle playing on the TV, my new vlog was going live in two minutes I was so nervous. I always get a little nervous before uploading a video but this was so much worse. I walked up to my room to get my phone and get into my pyjamas, just to waste some time. I was barely down the stairs when my phone binged. It was an email.
YouTube: your video has successfully gone live
I felt worried but also happy it was over with. I start to get hungry so head to the kitchen and make myself dinner. I bring my plate into my living room and return to my spot on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle. My phone was blowing up from comments and tweets. I was scrolling through my notifications when I saw someone that caught my eye, someone I haven't seen in years, someone I thought I'd never see again, that name sent shivers down my spine, @joe_sugg followed you!
I hesitantly clicked his profile. I followed him back. Why would he follow me after so many years? I thought to myself. What if he knows who you are? Don't be stupid you are a youtuber not the president of the United States. Maybe he remembers me from school. What if he remembers when I asked him out. That was so awkward. He was the first ever person I really had a crush on and fell hard for as well. I remember it clear as day. It was 2 weeks before prom and my friends were all talking about their boyfriends, it was a well known fact I was labelled "the single one" I never had a boyfriend in secondary school or primary school for that matter. 'I'm going to ask Joe out' I tell them boldly I heard a few of the scoff in disbelief. I saw him with all his friends. I remember thinking he is so out of my league. 'Go on then' one of them said 'um okay' I walk up to the group of lads get more nervous with every step. I felt like I was going to be sick. 'Hi Y/N' one of joes mates from my science class said. They all went silent and turned to me. 'Yeah hi' I say tugging at my blazer sleeves 'can I have a word with Joe please' I ask no one in particular. 'Sure thing' Joe smiled at me. We didn't talk much but just enough so he knew my name and who I was. 'Hey Joe I know this is awkward but I thought before the end of the year I should just grow some balls and say it' I breathe a deep breath and then the words tumble out of my mouth before I could stop then 'will you go out with me' I look at his ocean blue eyes. He looked sympathetic  I knew what he was going to say. 'I'm sorry Y/N I just don't like you that I am really sorry I hope we can still be friends' he gave me a friendly hug. Over his shoulder a tear rolled down my cheek I quickly wiped it a away. He didn't see my pain. 'It's okay no worries see you around' I smile and leave. I got home that night and cried so much.
Ping
I was snapped out of my thoughts. It was Joe. He messaged me
Joe: "Hey :) X"
right you aren't 16 anymore Y/N you are an adult.
Me: "Hi X"
I reply as I was about to get my dinner started.
Ping
It was him.
Joe: "It's been a while X"
Me: "yeah 9 years X"
I reply bluntly
Joe: "I just wanted to say sorry X"
Me: "what for? X"
Joe: "everything I'm sorry that I haven't contacted you at all I'm sorry I turned you down that day I'm sorry you got put in such a shitty situation with your ex I'm sorry you're hurt I'm sorry your friends laughed at you that day I'm sorry I made you feel that way I'm sorry it has taken me 9 years to say this X"
I read his message over an over again. It was one of the most humble, sweet and kind thing I have ever read.
Me: "that was so sweet you don't have to apologise for anything we were teens back when I asked you out we are grown ups now that's the past :) X"
I instantly regret sending that. Did I seem to desperate. What if he took it as if I was being passive aggressive. Do I seem to clingy.
Joe: "how's about we go out for lunch tomorrow if you're free, talk about old times X"
My heart flutters in excitement.
Me: "yeah okay sound fun :) X"
Joe: "we could go to the small coffee shop in Leicester Square X"
Me: "the Madd Hatters Café? X"
The Madd Hatters is one of my favourite cafés and it's nice a quite which is so refreshing as London is so busy and noisy.
Joe: "yeah that one :) see you at 2 X"

Sorry I didn't know where to take that one if you have any ideas please message me or comment them but hope you enjoyed it :)