Rhythm of Music: Jonnor

Chapter 21

Just a warning, there is some pretty graphic stuff in this chapter including the murder so please skip to about half way through if that is going to bother or trigger you. Song is Night Trouble by Petit Biscuit.

Sweat dripped from my face as Jude pulled my shaking figure closer to him.  The circles being rubbed into my back relaxed my tense muscles but only slightly. The stress of the trial tomorrow was too much on top of my horrifying nightmare that I had just had. 

When asked if I wanted to go to the trial my immediate answer was no, that was until they informed me that I had to in order to be a witness.  Saying that the two weeks leading up to the trial were a blur would be an understatement.  Bringing up memories I had done such a good job of repressing most of my life was nothing short of difficult.  My mother was never reported dead, not a single soul aware that she was even killed except for me and my father.  Ever since it had happened I was brain-washed into believing that she had just left the two of us.  I told everybody that my dad and her had had a fight and she left, never to be found again.  I honestly couldn't tell you why I went along with the story for so long. Maybe because that's what I wanted to believe, leave a shred of hope that someday I would just so happen to run into her while at a grocery store in Florida.

    I knew when I told Stef and Lena about the scarring crime I would be asked questions.  I was the only source of any information, one of the only witness the prosecution could use in the trial.  They asked me about everything:  when it happened, how it happened, how I knew, and why I never told anybody.  At times it felt as if I was the one being interrogated for committing an inexcusable crime.  During those weeks I dreamt flashback after flashback, always to wake up wrapped in Jude's arms, I wonder how he didn't get tired of my bawling.  Tonight was one of those nights. 

    "Connor, baby, maybe it would help if you told me about it." Jude whispered into my ear. "You don't have to though,  I completely understand if you don't want to."

    I sighed, Jude had been so understanding in all of this that it was hard to not give him what he wanted.  It was hard though, no matter how badly I wanted to I just couldn't seem to bring myself to do it.  I ran Jude's idea around in my head, would it actually help if I recounted the events to somebody who cared about me on the level that he did?

    "I guess I could try." I mumbled into his chest.  "I don't know how well it will go though." I admitted honestly. 

    "That's okay baby, just do whatever you're comfortable with." Jude moved his hand that was kneading circles into my back to my head and began running his fingers through my hair.  I waited a minute to collect my thoughts and relax my body before I began the tale. 

    "I was eight." I had only spoke three words and I was already overwhelmed with emotion and pain.  How was I ever going to make it through the trial tomorrow?

    "The years leading up to that were fine I guess, looking back I had a fairly good childhood.  My parents never really fought that much and everything seemed like a far off movie, a perfect family, friends, I was average at school and sports, not amazing but not bad either." The whole time I spoke Jude continued nodding his head in reassurance, giving me the strength I needed to continue before I even got to the hard part. 

    "Maybe you can imagine, or maybe you can't but my whole world fell apart when I woke up to screaming and bangs against my bedroom wall.  My first instinct was to stop them like a teacher would stop two kids fighting on the playground." I knew at this point that my eyes must be glazed over, even if I tried to prevent it I couldn't help but relive that night in my head. "When I went into their bedroom I found my mom practically in the wall, she had been thrown so hard.  It was obvious that she had hit the same spot several times. I remember thinking about how that meant that my dad was going to have to work an extra weekend to pay to fix it. " I felt the tears well up in my eyes and drop all at once, why the fuck did any of this happen in the first place?