Rhythm of Music: Jonnor

Chapter 15

Same old, same old.  Sorry for taking so long to update but here is a longer chapter and the fluff is very much present.  The song for this chapter is Technicolor Beat by Oh Wonder. I don't own anything.

The past few days had passed by quicker than I had expected, for once my only worries were perfecting my marching and playing for the competition this Saturday. While I was slightly nervous to try and escape my dad's suspicious grasp this weekend I wasn't overly concerned. Friday night I had decided it best to try and tell him that I would be gone the whole Saturday on a full day trip with a girl I had asked out. When he had asked where I was taking her and why he hadn't heard about this unknown girl before, I simply responded that she was new and we had only started talking the previous week. While my father didn't seem to completely believe the lie I told him he didn't question it and told me that it was about time I come to my senses and asked out a girl. I would like to say that my father's words hadn't gotten to me and I had simply shrugged it off but that would be a lie and I'm exhausted from the constant lying that seemed to have consumed every fiber of my life. As much as I hate to admit it my father's words had taken a toll on my mind and after almost a week of ignoring the homophobic jerk I was once again haunted by his harsh words and unloving words.

Not being able to shake his words from the previous night I lay on my bedroom floor, the clock reading the existential time of 4 am. While I could partly blame my lack of sleep on my nerves about the college marching competition tomorrow it was primarily my dad's closed opinions that kept my eyes trained on the ceiling. I had to admit that I had given up on getting sleep tonight and decided that while I had spent the past week to two weeks trying my hardest to stay upbeat and ignore the nagging words of my father at the back of my head I deserved to feel sorry for myself in these few short hours until morning.

I calculated in my head the four hours I had until I needed to wake up and call Jude about the final details of my "date" that would be picking me up around 9:30. In these four free hours I made several conclusions, some more useful than others. The first conclusion I made was that while I tried desperately to not care what my father thought it was impossible. Yes my father was abusive at times, never accepting of my true self, and just an overall shitty dad but I still loved him and couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose the only person I had ever known as a parental figure. The next thing that I had concluded was that Jude makes me happy, happier than I ever could have imagined and in all honesty I would be so lost if one day Jude up and decided he was tired of putting up with me and left. The third thing I realized is that the ceiling, when starred at long enough, could manifest into whatever image I wanted, whether it be a happy one or a miserable one where only my father and I existed to battle out our differences.

At around 5 am I decided that my current tactics for dealing with the stress of my life were not at all helpful and if anything were causing me to question life and begin the early stages of an existential crisis. Picking myself up off the ground I made my way to my laptop and began writing. I couldn't tell exactly what poured out onto the page but I was sure that the words would mean something later. Of course I had tried to write in previous years always glorifying the thought of spilling creativity and ideas of nobody else's but my own onto a page but it had never been what I imagined. Now was different, suddenly writing came very naturally and my fingers seemed to be controlled by a brain of their own. I wrote for nearly three hours upon realizing that it was already time to call Jude and hear the rough sound of my boyfriend's morning voice.

Just as I was about to grab my phone and click on my only favorited contact my phone began buzzing and a picture of Jude with his eyes bright and shining appeared on my screen. Quickly answering to my own amusement there was already a loud amount of yelling in the background of Jude's call.