Rhythm of Music: Jonnor

Chapter 11

This is unedited so sorry...

And also sorry I haven't updated in like two weeks, I'm not kidding when I say this week has been the most stressful of my life... 

The song for the chapter is Four Walls by Broods 

I had to be sitting in possibly the coldest classroom in the whole school as I reluctantly learned about the American Civil War for what seemed to be the twentieth time in my public school career; I had to admit though I wasn't listening in the slightest. It was the Monday after possibly one of the most emotionally straining weekends of my life. Sunday I spent most of the day at Jude's house, finding comfort there not only because I was with my soothing boyfriend, and also the best friend I had ever had, but because unlike my family Jude's family was kind and supportive. It was that day at Jude's house that I actually considered coming out to somebody other than Jude, or my father. Jude's family and home felt safe, something I hadn't experienced in what I had realized was a long time.

"Connor are you paying attention back there?"

I jolted up from leaning on my elbow and shot my head up to meet my threatening teacher's gaze. Before I even knew what words were spiraling out of my mouth I began lying to my teacher. "Ummm, yeah I'm fine... Sorry."

The short chalky haired woman peered into my mind with her eyes before clearing her throat and finally releasing me from the whole the twenty-three pairs of eyes that seemed to be analyzing me. "Connor go get a drink and come back ready to focus."

Not questioning her twice I got up and slung my backpack across my shoulder, leaving the room as quickly as I could. I had no intention of going back to further learn about the South and North of the country during the 1800's.

Stepping out of the room I headed for the one place I knew nobody would question me or bother me for that matter. I was going to go to a band practice room. I made my way down the halls, stepping out of the way and looking down every time I passed another of teacher or student, just the thought of human interaction made me feel sick to my stomach. I arrived in the long band hallway taking note of the messy band lockers on either side of the hall. Luckily for me the practice rooms were in the band hallway and not in the actual band room which meant it was easy enough to slip into one of the small rooms without being noticed by the band director or another student.

I sat my backpack down in the corner of the room digging out my phone from the front pocket before placing myself in the opposite corner of the room. The air in the room pressed against my skin and I could feel the beginning of goosebumps forming on my arms and legs. The room was a plain gray color and seemed to make the walls feel smaller than what they really were, but I liked it. It wasn't like the walls were closing in on me it was more like they were comforting me, like how a warm blanket wrapped around your shoulders made you feel safe at night. I didn't cry as I sat there alone, I didn't really think either, I just sat the feeling of not having to worry about anything for once being more of a stress relief than anything that I had done by myself in a long time.

After about ten minutes of sitting I finally let my mind start to roam. I thought about what seemed to be a constant problem anymore, my dad. Of course his acceptance and support was something that I longed for, but I honestly had no idea how I was going to achieve that. I had known my whole life what my dad's views were on homosexuality and I think I always knew that what my dad had preached to me wasn't true because how could I agree with him when I was gay myself. The views my dad had seemed to be engraved into his brain where they would never change. Suddenly before I even knew what was happening I found myself clenching and unclenching my fists and my face heating up with anger at my own father.