Rhythm of Music: Jonnor

Chapter 4

Look at me actually updating when I'm supposed to...

So this chapter is slightly depressing, but was important to later chapters. I promise the next chapter will be much more enjoyable. I do not own anything.

Connor's POV

It had been exactly five days since I had cancelled my "date" with Jude. I had to admit that cancelling was a mistake. I couldn't believe that I would let myself blow something I had only dreamt about for weeks. Looking back on the situation I realized that I had read far too deeply into Jude's soft spoken words. I should have known that if Jude didn't like me then he wouldn't have agreed to hang out, he just wasn't like that. It could have been that Jude was nervous, similar to myself, and he just didn't know what to say. Jude really didn't have that many friends, and as far as I could tell none of them are really that close to him, so maybe he just isn't used to talking to new people.

For the past five days explanations for Jude's, and even my own behavior and feelings occupied my head. I had spent my Saturday and Sunday after the game desperately trying to find projects to distract myself from the nightmare that had taken place. It wasn't until Monday that I actually stopped to reflect on the much too anticipated night. As I internally debated where the situation started to go sour I detached myself from the world all together. I had convinced my father that I wasn't feeling that well, and a mental health day would be of great benefit. I was about half way through my day off, when I realized that never before had my dad been so easy to convince to let me skip. Had he noticed that I was acting different these past few weeks?

That hadn't been the first time I had imagined what my dad's reaction would be if I came out to him. I liked to think that my dad was only slightly homophobic, but somewhere inside of me, some place that I often ignored, knew that he would never see me the same way again if I told him I was gay. I could see my dad going as far as kicking me out of the house and never wanting to speak to me again if I ever did choose to come out.

As it turned out I had found the perfect distraction from my continuous thoughts of Jude, and that was my worries about my father finding out that I wasn't the perfect straight son he had hoped for. The last two days have been both a blur and the slowest days of my life at the same time. It seemed to me that senseless things like school, band, homework, and my shriveling social life didn't matter at the slightest. However imagining myself spending the rest of my life hiding from my father seemed to make time creep ever so slowly.

For once, in what felt like days, I was awoken from my imagination when I heard a loud clamber come from the kitchen. I immediately jumped up from lying in my bed hurriedly trying to think of what could be downstairs. It was only four thirty, and my dad certainly wasn't home yet, he was normally not home earlier than six. Paranoid that a house robbery was taking place right under my nose I grabbed my phone and a baseball bat that was sitting in the corner of my room and tiptoed down the hallway. I reached the stairs and listened as best I could for any kind of sound. Not hearing anything, I leaned slightly over the balcony above the entryway looking for any sign of an intruder.

Once I had concluded that I wasn't going to know anything until I went downstairs I padded down the steps avoiding every creaky spot with precision. I was about half way down when I took note of my heart beating at a much too rapid pace. I took in a deep breath as my foot made contact with the tile floor of the entryway. Before I knew what I was doing I let out a loud yell. "Hello?"

I heard a slight shuffle come from the kitchen again and something that sounded like a bowl hit the ground and shatter. All at once I ran into the kitchen and to my surprise found a brown and black dog sitting next to the kitchen table, with a smashed bowl and wagging tail. I felt my chest heave with the relief and began to smile and chuckle at my paranoia.