Rhythm of Music: Jonnor

Chapter 9

*casually updates a day late*

First of all just a bit of a heads up there is some language in here that I haven't used before so just a warning. Second of all you should know that I really hated writing this chapter, but it had to be done to keep the plot moving. I don't own anything.

Btw this chapter's song is The Warmth by Koda 

"Where did you go?" An icy cold voice cut through the dark living room.

I froze in my tracks, this couldn't possibly be happening. Never in my fourteen years had I known my dad to get out of bed in the middle of the night to check on me. Even when I was a baby it was my mom who would drag herself from a warm bed to come take care of me. As I stood still racking my brain for an answer for my father I felt something in my stomach tighten at the thought of what horrible things he would say to me if I told him the truth. I considered for a moment lying and telling him that I had snuck out to do drugs or drink with some friends, thinking that this may cause less trouble than telling him the true reason I had snuck out in the early hours of the morning.

"Answer me Connor." He said in a flat but stern tone.

At this point I could feel more than my stomach tightening, I could also feel my throat begin to close up and my eyes sting at the potential tears.

Don't cry Connor that will only make it worse.

Pressing down my sudden wave of nausea I squeaked out the best lie I could think of on the spot. "I snuck out to meet some friends so that we could T.P. another friend's house."

With my lame attempt at an excuse I heard a harsh scoff from the corner of the room. The fact that I couldn't see my father made the scene much more terrifying than it should have been. The fact that I was scared of my father at all was ridiculous, this wasn't something a normal teenager should be worried about. I could hear a shuffling coming from the opposite side of the dimly lit room and bit the inside of my cheek desperately trying to hold back the tears. I was sure he knew by now.

"Connor you know I look at the phone bill, don't you?"

The steadiness and calmness of my father's voice made physical shivers go rippling throughout my body. I was so stupid to think that I could hide it from him, that he hadn't noticed the sudden up-beat mood I had worn ever since Jude and I had started dating. The fact was that he knew about my sexuality and was going to make sure I paid for going against his direct orders about being gay. Like I had a choice. It wasn't fair that this was how I was born and yet my own dad could go as far as making me feel like a disgrace to society, and a complete coward for liking the gender that I did. It wasn't fair and I was so tired of hiding it. Even though I had just admitted it to myself recently I had known for as long as I could remember that I was different, and yet I always had to pretend for my dad's sake.

Quickly my emotions changed from fear to anger and agitation, at what position my father had put me in. "So?" I asked defiantly.

"So! What do you mean 'so'? I can see how much you text that boy and the things you say to him!" At this point all calmness that was etched into my father's voice was gone.

Getting up from his seat and taking a step out of the shadows I immediately regretted my words I had said with a confident tone. One thing I had learned over the years was that being confident around my father, unless it was baseball, was a sure bet for screaming and insults.

"Are you hooking up with him Connor? Because I thought I made it crystal clear that no son of mine would ever be a freakin fag!" As the screaming from my father continued I felt myself trembling under his strong voice. It was times like these were the words he spoke made me wonder if I was even worth it. What was the point if I was so damn hopeless?

"Say something Connor!" His voice seemed as if it had shaken the whole floor making me audibly wince.

I stood staring at the floor, wishing desperately I could melt right into it. Hearing my father take yet another step closer I opened my mouth hoping that would make him keep his distance. Swallowing my fear and tears I opened and closed my mouth several times before I spoke the words I had both feared of saying and longed to say. "I'm g...gay."

Before I even really knew what was happening I could feel two sweaty hands gripping my arms and lifting me slightly off the ground. "You are not one of them!" He growled into my ear.

I shook under the strong hands of my supposed father and finally lost all control of the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes as I felt the front of my shirt beginning to dampen. In all my years of being verbally abused by father and him making my conscious hurt and ache with insults he had never once raised a hand to me. Tonight was different. The pressure around my arms was released but was quickly replaced with the pain of a fist that connected with my stomach. Hunching over in pain I let out a loud pained moan.

Half expecting for the beating to continue I found myself curled in a ball on the floor, my hands brought up around my face. I prayed that he wouldn't do anything that I wouldn't be able to cover up for the upcoming day of school. I lay in my fetus position for several minutes before I realized that I hadn't been touched since I had gotten on the ground. Peeking out from my arms I saw that my father stood several feet away with his arms above his head and his hands placed on the sides of his face.

I began to stand up cautiously and awaited some kind of response from the taller man. I knew that trying to run wasn't going to do any good, and really I had no idea where I would run to. Sure Jude would have helped me but I couldn't possibly let him know or see what had just occurred. As long minutes passed by between the two of us I could feel the silence eating away at my brain. I shouldn't have come out, it was a bad idea. Then again he was already assuming so all I was really doing was confirming what he had already suspected.

All at once my shadow of a father spun on his heels making me flinch. He was going to start beating me again. To my surprise he let words flow coolly out of his mouth. "You will not talk to this Jude kid anymore and your phone is being taken away." He exhaled loudly before continuing. "If I catch you sneaking out again, when you comeback you will find different locks and windows that are all closed from the inside."

I wanted to respond to apologize for the sneaking out part, but I wasn't quite able to find the way of using my voice. Instead I simply looked up from my spot I had carved into the floor with my eyes, giving my father a look of acknowledgment and asking him silently if I could escape to my room.

"I don't want to see you right now, get out of this room." He spoke, his voice dripping with venom.

I began to make my way upstairs, taking extra steps around the man who had been beating me only ten minutes earlier. Just as I was at the top step of the carpeted staircase I heard my father clear the back of throat. I knew from a very young age that this meant to stop. Sighing at my failed attempt of escape I turned around to find cold dark eyes peering into my skull. "Oh and you're dropping out of band."

Okay so really I was going to make this chapter longer, but that just seemed like such a good place to end it and not to mention its 3 am rn so... I really don't know when this story got so dramatic and intense but it did so I'm just gonna roll with it.  

Also sorry I keep forgetting to update on Thursdays...

Thanks for reading!