Rhythm of Music: Jonnor

Chapter 10

Sorry for not updating last week, I have been so busy, and my classes are slowly killing me from sleep deprivation, but I'm back and hopefully won't forget to update again. The song for this chapter is Coattails by Broods. 

As soon as the harsh words left my father's mouth I felt the tears well back up in my eyes. Band was probably the only thing other than Jude that could make me happy. Without speaking another word I made my way to my room, praying that he wouldn't follow me back to my room and find me in my broken down state. I could hear the rough voice that would fill the whole house, screaming at me that crying was a sign of weakness.

My father had always told me that my baseball team were my friends, that they were good people to hang out with, but the fact is that all they do is go to as many parties as possible. It's not like they weren't okay guys but all they cared about was being popular and getting as high, or drunk as they could without being hospitalized. I would like to think that my father didn't know this and that's why he encouraged me to befriend the addicts, but something inside told me that he knew exactly what happened when those boys weren't on the field. So really other than my so called "friends" on the baseball team, people in band were my closest friends that treated me well. Having to quite the one thing that made me want to actually get up in the morning would absolutely kill me.

I sat on my floor, my fingers running through my hair desperately trying to think of a way that I could convince my dad to let me stay in the program. Maybe if I told him that it would look good on my college application? No he was set on me going to college on a baseball scholarship. Maybe if I simply told him the truth, that quitting band would be like cutting off one of my own limbs, it was that important to me. But really I knew that the truth wouldn't help at all, there was no way I was going to change his mind on this one, especially after what I had just told him.

I must have sat on my floor with tears leaving trails along my cheeks for an hour before I finally realized that something was different. Something inside of me had changed. I no longer felt my heart pounding in my chest at the thought of setting down my instrument for the remainder of my high school career. I sat up a little straighter and sat my gaze on the first thing that appeared in my range of vision. In this case I found myself starring directly at a skateboard that hung on my wall.

What was the point?

I could have sat on the floor for another hour, or maybe it was just a few more minutes I honestly couldn't tell. I tried desperately to feel something, anything, anger, sadness, guilt, happiness, loneliness, anything at all but I just felt scarily numb. Standing up, still starring at the skateboard I walked over and picked up my phone. I think my scattered mind told my fingers to scroll through my contacts until I found Jude's, but my body did something else. As the bright light of my screen seeped into my eyes in the cold darkness of my room I felt myself begin to go lightheaded. Was it the exhaustion? Maybe the stress and fear of what my father would say, or do the next day? The last thing I could remember doing was skimming my fingers over Jude's contact.

. . .

The first thing I noticed when I woke up the next morning to light pouring into my room was that my brain felt as if it was trying to pound itself out of my head. Other than the intense pain that came radiating from the side of my head I didn't feel much emotion. I knew that something was different and that I should be feeling something but I honestly couldn't seem to care about what was happening. I didn't really care if my dad was still downstairs letting his anger simmer, or if he had left the country to never return again. Nothing really seemed that important.

I picked up my phone, just going through the actions of what I would normally do when I woke up. My fingers floated above the slick lock screen. What was my passcode? Part of my mind screamed at me to remember, but the other part, the greater part, told me it didn't even matter. Squinting my eyes shut I tried desperately to think straight, think of anything that would be at least slightly helpful in this situation.