How did I end up falling In love with a JERK?

Chapter 4: Mixed Signals.

(Kai's POV)

Erica struggled to get off me, What the hell might as well make it harder for her right? muahaha. 

So I grabbed her by the waist and, tangled my legs in hers. You should see the look on her face, she looked like she enjoyed this but, at the same time wanted to kill me. Which I got pleasure from since, I didn't know If I wanted her to hate me or like me.. I mean we were mates but, I've never wanted a mate, just a steady girlfriend which at the time was Abbey. She seemed so perfect at the time; She had a nice figure, an okay face, was kind of a slut.. which was good to me cause then I wouldn't have to worry about her being clingy about having sex. Oh and she was also a wolf. 

To be honest I've hated the fact of having a "mate" , I mean I didn't always want to worry about Erica, care for her or even love her like I do.. WAIT.. me.. LOVE ... Erica? Impossible. I hated being bound by someone like that, I've always wanted to hook up with as much girls as I wanted. Not having to worry about the consequences. I think the real reason I hated having a mate is that they could tare your heart apart in a matter of seconds - just like my dad to my mom. 

He left when I was ten, I was too young to realize why he left. But, If you found your mate and aren't around them you start to slowly die.. unless you're marked then it wouldn't matter. So My dad marked my mom, and she marked him. Then after ten years of being together.. he said he loved someone else.. HOW could he leave me, Brian and mom like that? we were his family. Could you even love someone else if you had a mate? After that night, all my mom did was stay in her room and cry. She made us breakfast and plastered a fake smile on her face everyday just so Brian and I wouldn't have to worry - But both Brian and I saw through her act. After that day, I swore I would never love anyone seriously. Like sure I had a thing for Abbey.. but, In no way did I love her.. and If I did it was more of in a friend way. 

Erica was so different then everyone else.. she made time for me, let me drag her around anywhere.. I'm not sure If that was because, I was her mate or because I was Alpha. I treated her like shit and I knew it. But never the less, I couldn't stop.. I just couldn't let her in because, If I did.. what if she left me? like my dad left my mom.. I didn't want to be left broken. And the way I see It, It's either you're broken.. or you have to break someone.. and I'd rather have her broken then me. Yes, I know that's probably a dick thing to say, and yes I do feel a bit of the pain she felt this whole time.. but, it's nothing like the pain my mother suffered. You could call me a pussy.. I mean what kind of man was afraid of emotional pain right? 

Then I heard her angelic voice still ringing in my ears " Please Kai, could you let me get up my thigh is really starting to hurt I'm not joking" She said pleading. 

I knew she wasn't lieing because, I felt her pain. 

I got up still holding her by the waist.. and dragged her to my room. I put her on my bed and under the covers. She looked at me weirdly. Aha she looked so cute lying there.. mm..

"Kai?" She said with an eyebrow raised and I snapped out of my daze.

"Hmm.. Yeah?" I asked wanting to know what she wanted.

"Wasn't I supposed to make us food?" she asked.

"No babe, you said it yourself, your thigh hurts so you rest up and I'll make the food and bring it up here when I'm done, Okay Cass?" I asked her.. not realizing I used Matt's nickname for her. 

She looked at me surprised but pleased, then she laughed. Why was she laughing? I hoped she didn't question that I called her 'Cass' though.. but ofcouse, she did.