A Year Being the Cheerleader

51.

My life is a mess. It has been taken a turn for the worse and I am more than upset right now. It hurts knowing I can't do better than this. I seriously hate this world.

"It isn't that bad," Nate tells me as the teacher and Ramona looks at me confused. I want to shoot them a glare, but what is on this paper is too important right now.

"You're right," I agree as I look up to Nate's concern face and he flinch at how cold my voice is. I am definitely not happy. "This is horrible."

Nate gets up, seeming tired and I don't know what is wrong with him. He had been a little too quiet since Easter. But right now that has to wait.

"What is wrong with you? You're still the president of the debate team," she tells me. "And you guys still won."

"But I lost a mark," I say defensively. Can't they see anything below a hundred percent is failure? "I didn't get full marks."

"You'll get 'em next year," Nicky, a minion, tells me, her southern drawl still present even though she tries to get rid of it. "But the good thing is that you guys won."

This time I get up with the school newspaper in my hand and throw it in the garbage can. It's no wonder my mom was upset this morning. I have never, never, gotten anything but a perfect score every year when we play against the other state schools. I think I'm losing focus. A lot of things have been changing in my life and I always let it slide. But not anymore.

I make my way to the girl's bathroom and splash my face with the icy cold water wondering when I will wake up out of this nightmare.

I roll up the sleeves of my blouse just realizing that they are getting wet. I put my hands under the faucet again, but I stop, watching the clear cool water flow over my bruised wrists. My eyes trail up to my arms as the discoloration of my skin continues. My mom can be an idiot sometimes! Look what she had done. I squeeze my eyes shut wanting to ignore it all.

This is what I get for being a failure. I don't know why I am so stupid. I shouldn't have gone on the stage and spoke. Mom was right. I am an unwelcome thing to society. There was just so many people watching me. I hate it. It makes me all uneasy inside and my voice falters. I knew I should have begged to be out of that round. It had always been the seniors who did that part and I was the only senior there, but an exception could have been made.

"Idiot, idiot, idiot," I chant as I turn off the faucet and dry my hand on a paper towel provided. A group of girls come inside, all greeting me with cheerful smiles. I just nod before striding out of there.

Ramona crashes into me as I open the door and I stagger back. She holds on to the door and looks up at me with an angry face that shocks me. When is Ramona ever angry? A flash of recognition crosses her eyes and she immediately drops her angry face and smiles. This confuses me. What just happened?

Before I can protest, she grabs my hand and drags us out of the bathroom. I turn to her with a frown when I tug her hand and stop. She looks at me as if I am crazy and points to a hallway camera. Oh.

We make our way to our free session classroom and sit down once again at our seats. Nate isn't beside me and I wonder if he has left the school. Am I that annoying? I mean, he knows how much I strive for perfection by default, so I don't see how this is a surprise.

"I have a feeling this is more than you losing one mark," Ramona says and I can't believe I am that easy to read. I have only known her for almost a year, how can she already read me clearly? "So spill the beans."

I stay silent, not wanting to tell her anything. She groans and glances around the room. The minions are spread out throughout the room, whether with boys or chatting with other girls. I don't think they realize that we came back. Ramona turns back to me.

"I know you said there is nothing between you and Nate," she tells me and I already don't want to hear this. "But is it something to do with him."

I shake my head. I can't believe she would think of such a thing. Although I don't think her assumption is out of place. The last time we had a dispute, he didn't speak to me. But he isn't avoiding me now. Or is he? I shake my head once more, trying to clear the uneasy thoughts in my head.

"It has nothing to do with him," I tell which is the truth. "But if I can't even get a full score in debate, what's going to happen in the exams?"

The last part is one of the reasons, but it isn't the main one. She nods her head and I know she is convinced. Taking out an earphone, she hands it to me.

"We'll leave you to study from now on," she says understandably and stands up. "Just promise me when it's summer, you will enjoy it."

I nod and she leaves, but I don't understand. What about her? Won't she be there to enjoy it with me?

A/N: I don't know when the debating matches or competitions happen, so don't kill me if it doesn't happen near or in Easter. Thanks for reading.

1999beauty
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