I Act Like I'm Tough, He Treats Me Like A Teddy Bear

I Act Like I'm Tough, He Treats Me Like A Teddy Bear ; 15

Tick, tock, tick, tock. The clock was ticking by so slowly I felt my eyelids drooping slightly. It has been a little over two months since Ami was killed. I still wake up with nightmares. All the police told me was that he had gotten hit by a car, or something. Some how I can’t help thinking of how it might not have been an accident.

. . .

Stupid calculus. I hate math, its just so, gross.

There are no other words that could possibly describe it.

I look next to me in my assigned seat and shook daggers at Julie, she is scribbling numbers and other math stuff frantically. I looked down at my blank sheet and sighed heavily. Stupid math loving Julie. I tried the first question and completely bombed it. I needed to pass calculus so I wouldn’t get into any more trouble.

Of course I had been lying low since Ami died. It was like I was suddenly hit with a brick wall. I doubled over breathing heavily my eyes stinging. I never realized how much I missed her. I let out a small gasp and tried to slow down my frantic breathing and shake of the racking sobs that would consume me in a moment. I stood and ran out of the classroom tears running down my face. I let out the first sound of grief just as the door clanged shut behind me. then I started to run towards the track. I need to get away from it. I was still in my uniform but I was wearing my navy converse. I could run. I shrugged off the vest and un tucked my blouse pulling my hair into a pony as I ran. I ran and ran and ran.

Feeling the aching burn of my legs was soon something else to concentrate on. I listened to my heavy breathing I listened to my footfalls and the wind whistling past my ears. I pushed myself harder trying to get away, just trying to get away. After what felt like hours of running I slowed and walked a little while as I stopped I saw a figure in the trees. Standing stock still, watching. I saw the gleam of the eyes and quickly turned away and picked up my belongings heading towards the dorms.

There was something oddly familiar about the shape of those eyes and the build of the body. It was all too familiar. I shook my head as if to stop my thoughts. I clutched my hands on either side of my head and tried to stop the tilting and whirling of thoughts from crashing around in my head. I must’ve looked insane right now, standing in the middle of a walkway. I felt a warm hand on my arm and opened my eyes and relaxed my jaw. It turns out I was clenching them and now my jaw ached. I looked into Josh’s familiar blue eyes and saw they were filled with concern.

He didn’t say anything just put an arm around my shoulder and led me towards our dorm building. I let him, leaning into him slightly. I realized my legs were shaking and I was extremely tired. I sighed and kept walking he supported me more and I shot him a grateful look and then concentrated on walking again. He was such a great boyfriend. So steady and caring. He understood what I was going threw. Well as best as he could anyways.

We were in the dorm and heading up the stairs to my room when I remembered the shape and gasped a little leaning over and clutching my hands back to my head. I shook my head again and after a moment or two it went away.

I looked into his eyes and saw them full of concern and he seemed frightened. I kept walking and we went to my room where Carson was sprawled across her mattress writing in a green spiral notebook. When we opened the door she wrote a few more words then closed the book stashing it under her pillow. Her expression went from cheery to frightened when she saw me. I looked in the mirror and saw my complexion. My face was very pale and covered in a clammy sweat. I didn’t even notice that before. I looked away and walked to my drawers pulling out some drawstring sweats a tank top and a clean pair of underwear. Then I went to the bathroom and started the shower. I looked in the mirror above the sink and splashed cool water over my face before gathering my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and razor from underneath the sink. I grabbed my basket of face cleaners while I was at it and set it onto the counter before stepping into the hot shower. I took my time combing the shampoo through my hair evenly with my fingers, rinsing then repeating. I did the same with the conditioner and let it nutritional-ize my hair follicles while I shave my legs and underarms. Then I rinsed the conditioner away feeling the silky smoothness it left behind. I shut of the water and towel dried my self before slipping on my pajamas and then washing my face thoroughly. Lastly I added moisturizer to my skin then French braided my hair back. I looked fresh and tired. I opened the door, carefully separating my laundry into dark and white baskets before turning around to see Carson and Josh watching me. I went over to my bed and sat on it cross-legged. Josh came over and put his arm around me.

“Want to tell us what’s going on?” he asked softly I moved a little closer to him and nodded like a small child.

Carson came over silently and sat on my other side sliding her hand into mine. She squeezed it and I told them about what I had been thinking.

I told them about the thoughts that had been keeping me up recently, how two days after we finally reconnected that she was “killed”. It was too coincidental. Then as I was telling about the figure in the trees I paused and was consumed with a memory.

I am fourteen and have been living on the streets for two years now. I was supposed to be meeting with a regular and then going to meet my supplier to buy more of the drugs. Timothy was late and I was growing irritated. If he didn’t show up in five minutes I was leaving. I heard footsteps softly behind me and slowly reached for the gun I always kept in my belt. My hand closed around the hilt and I pulled it out drawing it towards the person who was behind me as I turned swiftly. It was Timothy. I let out a breath and placed the gun back into my belt. “Your late.” He just looked at me. I told him how much it would cost and he started to reach for his pocket when I heard a whistling noise and was stuck in the head hard. I went down dazed. My eyes blurring going in and out of focus. I felt hands touching the inside of my jack reaching into pockets and I felt the brown paper bag slide from a hidden pocket. I reached for it but my hand was kicked aside. Breaking it in the process. I heard receding footsteps as I lay there. They took my money, the money for the supplier to pay for more drugs. I had to get that to him. They also took the cocaine I had on me. I never used the stuff it was just to pay for my room and food where I was staying. I stood up slowly, feeling dizzy. I gagged and put my head between my knees unto the aching throb stopped. I stood again, slowly this time and started walking towards the street so I could get back to my apartment. I had to get back. I hid my gun in my belt with the jacket overtop and started slowly walking. When I got to the apartment I noticed the time. I had been lying in the street for two hours. My head pounding and whirling, fading in and out of darkness. When I reached the apartment I was staying I saw my door unhinged. I opened it and saw the small room destroyed. My bed upturned with slashes in the mattress and my sheets and blanket ripped and shredded. I saw my refrigerator open and the door hanging off of it’s hinges. It’s contents ripped open and scattered over the green carpet. The white walls were splattered with mud and something that looked a lot like blood. I held back the urge to vomit wondering who’s blood it could be. I looked into the closet to see my boxes shoved, and roughly opened, searching for something. What? I then saw the small almost unnoticeable door I had cut into the back of the top of my closet where I had kept one of my emergency stashes of money, which I had split into1/4 of all my money and hid it two separate locations. I couldn’t find a single dollar bill in the compartment. I had well over 5 grand saved up in there. Good thing I had a second space. Under a loose part in the carpet underneath my bed, which they didn’t seem to move. Before I checked in there I went into the bathroom to find it relatively untouched except the mirror had writing in a messy gore all over it. It had said “Your dead, and so is anyone your close to” I almost fainted again when I saw it. I had to get out, move to another town, maybe another state, change my identity, cut my hair maybe and dye it a different colour. Change my look, which consisted of boy jeans, with t-shirts and a dark brown leather jacket. My hair was black now and always tied back into a pony tail and kept away from my face. I had grabbed an army green duffle bag and shoved all my clothes into it, a few food items that hadn’t been destroyed by Hans and half a dozen water bottles. I then moved the bed and lifted up the carpet and the loose floorboards. I smiled when I saw the money still in the bags I’d originally had them. I grabbed it all, stuffing most of it into my duffle bag and a few hundred I shoved into my pocket. I grabbed a few of the switchblades in my kitchen and another small gun which I placed in the back of my belt. I looked around nervously and left the apartment going out the back entrance. They’d just be waiting in the front. I then took an alley to the next street and the first bus I saw I boarded and drove away not looking back.

I gasped as I remembered everything. Then I sat there in a horrified silence just looking off into space. Josh and Carson were saying my name worriedly shaking me asking me what was wrong. I wanted to cry again but I stood up and paced back and fourth. Then I turned to Carson and Josh and started from the beginning. Explaining everything I could about my life in as little words as I possibly could. Josh already knew up to a certain point but Carson knew nothing and they both listened intently as I told my story.

When I finished Carson’s face was white as a sheet of paper and she was struggling for words.

“So, Hans, that man you used to buy drugs from is… he…” I nodded as Carson said this.

“He killed Ami and now he’s trying to get to me.” I said and watched their faces as what I was saying sunk in.