I Act Like I'm Tough, He Treats Me Like A Teddy Bear

I Act Like I'm Tough, He Treats Me Like A Teddy Bear ; 6

o after my date with Chris, I found out we had some things in common. Example, music, reading material, our views on certain teachers, and he said he loved swimming, but only in the dark because that’s when the whole world seems to light up.

We had gone on a few dates, and he kissed me last night when he dropped me off at my dorm. It was soft and sweet, but it just felt like a kiss to me.

I sighed and told Carson everything. She was so happy that I was dating him now.

Josh seemed to not be talking to me anymore. I tried to speak with him sometimes. It also seemed as though Carson had forgotten about my promise to telling her about why I cut, but apparently not.

She was looking at me now, sad and confused. I sighed and started out the sun filled window.

“I’ll have to start from the beginning okay. I’m not going to tell you everything about my life, just when everything started for me. I was 13 when I first started cutting, it was only every once in a while then, still is now, but it got worse, a lot worse. My mom, was sort of a bitch to me my entire life. She blamed me for everything, since my older sister sort of left us. (I was shaking my head, now, trying not to sob or start crying. I took a moment to compose myself and continued.) My mom, sort of decided she didn’t want to deal with me. She let me do whatever, she didn’t care that I could see her bringing home a different guy every night, you know, for money. ( I bit my trembling lip now, a few tears falling down my cheeks) uhmm, that’s when I started rebelling in school, doing things to provoke my teachers, I just wanted attention, my mother didn’t love me. She still doesn’t. she told the athorities to send me to jail the last time. This was my last chance, this school here. (I motioned to the buildings I could see out the window.) Anyways, that’s only part of it. But I don’t really like to talk about it all that much.” I said to her. She was crying now and filled the space between us quickly, hugging me. she patted my hair.

“I’m so sorry Rose.” She mumbled into me. rubbing my back. I sort of let myself cry, because I, never really, cried for myself that often. It was fine.

“You don’t have to do that though, you have other people who love you.” She murmured.

“Like who.” I asked. “Me.” she said and hugged me again.

After a while we kept talking about it all. I hadn’t told here even half of why I did what I did. She would be too horrified if she knew. I told her the truth, just not all of it.

I had a long hot shower now, reducing my puffy-red eyes to their normal state. I dressed in my uniform. Hiking the skirt up again, just not as high as before. This time I tucked in my white shirt and had a sort of high waste looking skirt thing. I took a note of what Josh had done before and cut a vest into a sort of loose opening. But I sewed the sides neatly and added buttons and button holes. I left them undone and grabbed a pair of black flats and slipped them on. I rubbed some vanilla cream onto my white legs and applied my makeup. I made the eyeliner and mascara soft, and wore a nice deep red stain on my lips. I made my hair messier than usual so it was larger. I looked at my reflection and smiled.

Then I helped Carson with hers. She was never really one for fashion. Let her wear my combat boots and gave her white knee length socks. I had one just above the opening of the shoe and the other halfway up her shin. Her skirt was now shorter too but I had her wear the vest over the outfit, as a sort of undershirt and had the long white sleeve left open on top. Then I took my smooth black wide belt and fastened it around her small waste. We straightened her hair then made it wild too. Her make up I made the eyes dramatic and her lips sort of a dull pink colour.

We left the dorm and arrive just in time for class. The guys were used to my outfits by now but sort of gawked when they saw that Carson had done something similar. We laughed and went to sit beside our ‘boyfriends’ who had saved us seats.

Chris kissed me quickly and said I looked really good today. I smiled and kissed him back.

It still didn’t really feel like much.

In my second hour of classes I felt a wad of paper hit the back of my head. I turned around and saw that nobody had seemed to notice and picked up the sheet un crumpling it.

He’s not what you think he is.

Was all it said. This puzzled me. then I saw Chris’s name scrawled into the paper.

Was someone trying to tell me to stay away from him. Angrily I rumpled up the paper and threw it out.

But I couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the class because I was thinking about who would’ve sent this and why.

I mean, who are they to care about me or anything. I sighed and pack my bag when the bell rang, walking out the see Chris leaning against the wall waiting for me. I felt someone burning holes into the back of my head but didn’t turn as I walked towards Chris kissing him and then walking hand in hand to lunch together.

That message still bothered me and I looked at Chris’ face hoping to see if he could be something other than, sweet, sensitive, kind, caring, adorable, smart, the list goes on.

I can’t exactly come up with a reason to believe otherwise so I looked away and squeezed his hand sliding into the table hugged Carson quickly and eating my lunch with my friends. I had the rest of the afternoon off, and was planning on taking a run and swimming for a while.

So I immersed myself in the steady rhythm of my beating heart, pumping legs, and breathing lungs. It was like a beautiful song, composed only for myself. I smiled to myself and concentrated on the sounds and kept my body working furiously, letting all my thoughts behind for a while. It feels good to get out of your own body every once in a while. It lets me be someone I’m not.

Once I finished my running and swimming I was thoroughly exhausted. So I walked up to my room and showered quickly falling into bed wearing an oversized t-shirt and was out like a light.