I Act Like I'm Tough, He Treats Me Like A Teddy Bear

I Act Like I'm Tough, He Treats Me Like A Teddy Bear ; 12

It’s been three weeks now and I’m not getting any better. I try to hide it. I do my work, run, swim, hang out with my friends, but it’s like my heart has been torn out of my chest and all that’s left is an empty hole. Ami was my best friend and I miss her so much.

I like to be alone a lot more. At night I go out of the room and just walk in the dark. Around and around until the sun rises and I get back to the dorm room.

Honestly I’m afraid to sleep. It’s been almost a week now since I last slept. Carson is really worried, but I tell her I’m okay.

Sometimes Josh walks with me at night. I don’t know why. I don’t know what I would do if he weren’t there sometimes. Apart of me wants him to be there all the time. To hold me together. Keep me from falling apart again, and again. But that’s not how these things work.

Right now its getting dark and Carson is asleep. I listen to her breathing, its rhythmic tune. Slow and steady. At least it’s consistent.

I feel my eyelids starting to droop so I make myself get up and put on my shoes. Grab a sweater. Once in the cold brisk night air my body starts to relax. I start walking.

I feel someone join me soon. I’m getting more tired as each minute goes by. I see a bench and make my way towards in. I feel Josh’s warm heavy arm slide around my waste, and I start to cry.

I mean really cry, full out loud wailing and sobbing. It’s embarrassing when I get like this. I can’t stop it though so I let it go on. Once I’m finished I look up into Josh’s eyes .there so blue I feel like I’m drowning. And before I know it I’m asleep.

-16hours later-

I groan and sit up with my eyes closed. My head is pounding and my body aches. I slowly open my eyes and see the unfamiliar surroundings. The room is dark, and I’m on a soft navy blue and black bed. Covered in blankets. There’s a couch on the opposite wall and I see a silhouette. I can feel my heart race as I try to figure out where I am. Then the figure on the couch turns over and I recognize instantly the dark messy hair and the long slanted nose. His lips are slightly parted and his eyes are closed.

I look around the room again, now realizing it’s Josh’s I’m not scared and I start to calm down. My body is so tired and I can’t fight it so I go back to sleep hugging myself.

-12hours later-

When I woke up this time I stretched my body and kept my eyes closed. I figured it was a dream and I was sort of scared to open my eyes. I heard someone shuffleing around and felt a warm hand touch my cheek.

“Rose.” He whispered and I smiled and opened my eyes to meet electric blue ones. “Hi.” I said softly. He chuckled and I sat up.

“Are you alright?” he asked softly.

I nodded and said “I think I’m getting better. I never actually cried for her you know. It was like I didn’t except that she was gone and wouldn’t be coming back. She always came back.” I said that last part more to myself.

He pulled me into his arms. He felt strong and secure. I pulled myself closer. “I don’t know what I would’ve done with out you.” I said so quietly.

He responded by kissing my forehead softly.

Then I started to notice how disgusting I felt. My skin and hair felt oily and like it was filled with dirt. It was dark out now. “How long was I asleep for.” I asked.

He chuckled “18 hours.” I nodded.

“Shower?” I asked and he led me to his bathroom, handed me a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. I thanked him and hopped into the steaming hot water.