Trust Again

Chapter 20

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We sat there almost half an hour, none of us moved and I avoided looking at her but whenever I glanced at her I had to fight back the urge to hug her and kiss her flawless forehead. I tried to breath slowly and steady, my face still buried in my hands. She didn't move, I could smell her light perfume and it drove me crazy.

I was surprised as I suddenly felt her touch on my arm as she laid her head on my shoulder. Her little fingers were wrapped around my arm. Her eyes were closed and I sighed relieved as I put my arm around her shoulder. I sighed and laid my head onto hers softly squeezing her tighter, she accepted it for a few seconds bus then she tensed and I immediately stopped.

“I'm scared of you” she surprised me by whispering.

I opened my mouth to respond but she cut me off.

“You scare me Harry” she whispered again and opened her eyes, they were even more red than before.

I looked at her confused and pulled my arm off her. Her head was still on my shoulder as I lifted mine away from her. I could feel her tighten her grip around my arm, as I wanted to stand up. She pulled me back, forcing me to sit closer next to her. I knew I was stronger than her and I could have easily pulled away but something made me smile, smile over the fact that she was the one who forced me to stay.

“Why?” I whispered back.

She closed her beautiful eyes again and after a while she looked at me answering.

“Because you scare me but at the same time I need you” she looked down on the floor, her voice was nothing more that a whisper “I miss you when you're not around but I can't stand you when you're with me. You are here to protect me but I feel like I need someone who protects me from you” she lifted her head again and locked her eyes with mine. I had trouble to breath, her eyes were staring into mine leaving me with goosebumps. “I..” she started then looking down on the floor again. “I...don't know what to feel” she admitted and I wanted to pull her into a hug but I was too scared of her reaction.

I slowly put my finger under her chin, lifting her head up. I could feel her tense under my touch but I ignored it this time.

“I'm sorry” I whispered, my heart was beating faster as she tried to pull a smile.

She nodded and looked at me in a way that made me want her even more. I stroke her cheek with my thumb, trying to be as gentle as possible.

I never touched a girl this way before, I never tried to be gentle with any girl. I stroke over her cheek once more.

“I'm sorry Millie” I whispered again, my voice was husky and I felt a weird feeling in my throat.

I was surprised as suddenly she lifted her hand up to my neck and squeezed her closer to me, I slowly bend down allowing her to bury her face into my neck. We sat there for a few moments, only listening to each other breaths and not saying a word.  

“I know I'm stupid” she whispered.

I try to straighten up to look into her eyes but her grip around my neck tightens and I stay in that position.

“You're not, Millie” I managed to say.

She nodded “I am stupid, I confuse everyone even myself, I don't know what to do anymore.”

I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her onto my lap. Her head still buried into the crotch of my neck. I let out a deep sigh and kissed her hair. She didn't flinch away this time but I could feel her holding her breath.

“You are not stupid Millie and I promise you I wont push you, take your time. I'm here and I wont leave as long as you want me to stay, okay?” My voice cracked and I cleared my throat.