The barely good and the almost bad

Chapter 21- 'Geliophobia?!'

"Stop hitting my shoulder for fuck's sake." I complain.


"I wanted to punch you in the face but you're driving, don't wanna have to do their jobs for them by killing myself." She states in anger. 


"Well I..." I try to talk but she interrupts me.


"Why did you take it from the other car, what if they had to leave?? Have you considered that?? You just put them in danger!!" she screams at me and I keep on driving, she was right, what if they needed to leave what if something happened, I fucked up...

"Answer me??" she demands.


"I...I didn't... I didn't think of that" I tell her.


"You didn't think... fuck you... is it that hard for you to think...what should I tell my parents if something happened to my brother, that you weren't able to think because you were too scared??!!" she keeps screaming.


"Well, fuck yeah I'm scared!!" I scream back as I look at her ignoring the road ahead of me waiting for her next criticism, but she doesn't say anything. We just stared at each other in silence and it felt like that moment lasted for a decade. I turn my head facing the road again and I start explaining.

"I know that it's my job to run towards danger, I know that if you point a gun at me I would probably laugh rather than tremble with fear...But this is different."

"how?" She asks quietly, and I can feel her eyes on me. These are the times that I can actually see through her, it sometimes feels like she doesn't give a damn whether I live or die, and whenever I think of that, I just remember what she did for me... and... I just get confused.

"I'm invisible, I can come to you without you knowing until it's too late, you only know that someone was there, but you won't know it was me, or why I did it..." I continue,

"Wait, are you describing something you did in my house?? Are you the reason behind my missing socks?" she asks me with a raised eyebrow and crossed arms... I was confused to whether that was sarcasm or a real question, because she's still mad... but you can never tell when she's sarcastic, that's how much of a pro she is.

"I... I don't... What??" I ask her confusingly.

"Just...Just continue your damn story!!" She replies while rolling her eyes.

"As I said, this is different, because they know who I am, they know where I live, they know everything about me...and... and that's their biggest advantage over us.... Because... Because home is where you feel safe, and if I don't have that anymore then...then how can I think probably, I always knew that after a mission, I can always feel safe at home, and that's my motivation for the next mission, I knew I was safe, but now I feel exposed....Naked!!"

Even as I kept my head facing the road I felt her...I felt her looking at me in a different way, I looked at her and I saw the face of wrath and anger has changed into a face of fear and terror.
I think she was counting on me to lead her, but now she sees this side of me, I might've made her lose hope.

She uncrossed her arms and sat back normally, wore her seatbelt and lowered her head, as if trying to collect her thoughts, it tore me apart, but gave me a reason to get my head outta my ass and to see the light, the reason behind all this...Home is where you make it, it's not a place, and I sure as hell won't be a little bitch about losing my house for some no good mother fuckers... I looked at her in that state and I realised how lucky I am, I'm not alone... People go through their whole lives finding what makes them feel good and never find it, because they always look far, they never take a moment and appreciate what's near them... I smiled in confidence as I got my thoughts together and as soon as I did I got a slap across the face, I accidentally swerved, I tried to control the car which was at this stage drifting to the other side of the road... and the cars are speeding towards me as if I was giving away free candy... I gain control of the car and head to the side of the road and stop to take a breath... as soon as I do, another slap comes to contact my face with the surprising question from her.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US??!!!".
I laugh in confusion, and she hits me on the shoulder.

"Why did you slap me?" I ask her as I try to shake the smile off of my face, but no point because I was way too excited. I mean, I first got my head cleared then I was drifting in the freaking high way of course I'd be happy, I'm still a guy, and every guy has a kid inside him.. But not in a pregnant way because that's weird.

"You were smiling, you just told me we're doomed...why would yo..." she couldn't finish what she wanted to say.


"I'm just glad that after all that we've been through we still didn't manage to kill each other... but you almost won that game" I smirk.
I saw her face expression changing. I knew she wanted to smile, but she doesn't wanna break character she's gonna keep playing the role of the (I am mad at you). She looked at the road and started to laugh uncontrollably.

"Oh my god, how are we still a live, Oh my god, I'm sooo gonna kill you when this is over." she barley finished that sentence as her hysterical laughter made it hard to understand. I waited for the cars to pass, so I can drive to the other side to continue our road trip to hell. I really wanna know what's going through her mind right now.