Phan Oneshots

I'm sorry Dan.

Why did I leave him on his own? How was I so stupid to not go into his room and make him talk to me. To ask him what was wrong? Just because of one stupid mistake I have to live with this. I sat crying beside him for about an hour. 

The tears had stopped and my emotions were gone. I looked at his face one last time as I put one arm under his around him and my other under his knees, picking him up off the cold floor. I carried him out of the bathroom, and out of the apartment I quickly rushed outside and walked towards the woods. I walked far in, not looking back. I knew no one had seen, and knew no one would dare follow me if I did. My expressions were gone. I had blood all over me, and I bet it looked like i killed him. They would think of me as a mad killer. That I would turn and kill them too. I haven't killed him and wouldn't kill anyone, but by how this looks, people would judge me easily. 

I felt like whatever life I had left in me was ripped from my body and trashed. I had no shovel on me. No way of digging into the dirt to bury him, so I kept walking. Knowing where he wanted to be buried in the first place.

Flashback starts

"Hey... Dan?" Phil said quietly, turning his head to face me as we laid in the middle of the quiet field. Hidden by the long grass. This was our quiet place. This is where I first asked him out. Where I took him for our first date, where we sat and had a long chat, with nothing but the stars, a blanket, food and each other. Where al most our first everything happened. Almost.

"Yes Phil?" I turned to look at him. "Don't think I'm crazy or weird.. but.." He started and look up at the sky, sighing. Taking in a deep breath. "It's okay... you can tell me." I squeezed his hand that was in mine gently, to encourage him to go on.

"Well, I was doing some thinking.. and came across the idea of where I were to be buried if iIhad to. If I died or something happened to kill me... weather it was old age. Or a serial killer... I wanted you to know where I want to be buried." He started.

"Remember the deep river not far from here? Where we stood on the bridge... talked for a while.." 

"Where we had our first kiss." I added before he could. Giggling a little. "That too." He smiled. "Well, that is where I want to be put. At the very bottom. It's a special place to me and I don't want to be under the ground here. I want to have some sort of freedom when I die. No I won't be alive to move around or anything... but I want to be somewhere that was special to me. We spoke about our fears. What we want to do when we grow old. Talking about adopting kids... which I still want to do by the way." He smiled and looked at me again. 

"Okay. If you die, that is where I will bury you." I smiled back at him. "Promise?" He asked, holding his pinkie up to me with his free hand. I rolled my eyes at his childishness, but agreed. Linking my picking finger with his and shaking once. "I promise." 

We continued to talk. I told him where I would want to be buried... I want to be by his side. Where i belong.

Flashback Ends

I walked to the bridge and stood at the top, placing Phil on the flat side of the bridge. "I promised you I would bring you here. I never thought it would be 2 years after we got together, but i still keep my promises." I was about to push him over. When something stopped me.

Fresh salty tears rolled down my tear stained cheeks again. "I can't. Phil why did you do this? Why did you have to leave me so soon?" I sniffled and remembered the paper. I took it from my pocket, and unfolded it. 

Phil's messy handwriting covered the page. 

Dan,
By the time you read this, I might not be here. I'm sorry for what I did to you. I feel horrible. You don't deserve to be with a person like me. You deserve better. When you found me kissing that other guy that other week, and you got angry at me... I felt so bad. I felt like i was punched in the gut. I'm sorry I cheated on you...