A Hardened Heart

20. ( Important Author's Note)

The picture is Bella's dress

I went back to my apartment down the street from the SHEILD headquarters after work. It was a small apartment but the perfect size just for me. It had one bedroom and a good size living room. The kitchen was a little small but I didn't cook much anyway. 

I walked into my room and grabbed my nicest casual dress. It had a long sleeve white top and a shorter floral bottom. I put on little black heels and grabbed my purse. I walked back out of my apartment and to Bertucci's.

I was happy that everything in Washington D.C. was so close. It was only two blocks away from my apartment. I walked into Bertucci's and gave them my name. The hostess led me into a small room in the back of the restaurant. I was happy that they always have this room set aside for us since we are such close customers here. 

I know every waitress and all the drama that goes on here. I really have no life. Everyone was standing around talking in small groups. I walked over to where Peter and Steve were talking. 

" Hey there guys," I said. 

" There she is! Congratulations on becoming an Avenger," Peter said. 

" Aw thank you. I am happy I finally get to do something other than sit behind a desk and play computer games," I laughed. 

Steve and Peter laughed along with me. They probably thought I was joking but I really wasn't. I never had a real job, SHEILD just doesn't want me roaming the Earth with my powers on my own. I am happy I still got paid though.

" I am glad that there will be someone on this team that will actually help me out and not listen to me," Steve said. 

" What makes you think I am going to do that," I smiled. 

" We already put your order in. Come on lets make a toast to you," Peter said. 

" No really. I don't need that because I finally got a real job. I am twenty-six. I am just happy to be doing something with my life," I said humbly.

" Bella for once in your life let someone be proud of you. At our high school graduation you wouldn't let anyone congratulate you," Peter said. 

I smiled and we all formed one big group. Dinner was delicious as usual and we all were laughing and having a good time. I am gad Peter became such good friends with everyone else. After dinner Tony and Thor ended up throwing food at each other. It was so much fun.

Soon the night came to an end and even though it was twelve at nightie felt like we were there for only two hours. I walked back to my apartment and Peter walked with me. 

" Hey Peter do you want to have a movie night," I asked.

" Sure. That sounds like a lot of fun," Peter said.

" Yay great," I said. 

We walked into my apartment. I headed into my bedroom and put my pjs on. I grabbed some of Peter's because he is always over sleeping on my couch that I have clothes for him now. I handed them to him and he walked into the bathroom to get changed. 

When he came back out he sat next to me and he looked like he was going over something in his mind over and over again. I pulled up Netflix and looked for some comedy movies.

" Bella guess what," Peter said.

" What," I asked.

" Steve said that he has liked you for a really long time tonight."

" Really?"

" How do you feel about that?"

" I don't know. I am not really looking to be in a relationship right now."

" You haven't been looking to be in a relationship for eleven years. Not since him."

I looked down at my hands. I understand that Peter is a very forward person but I had told him not to bring that up. I loved Loki and he tried kill me, there is nothing more to it. The only thing I have thought about it is regret. Regret that I was naive enough for something like that to happen.

" Do you ever think about him," Peter asked. 

Tears rimmed my eyes was I tried to look for the right words to reply. " Only regret," I stuttered out.

" Why do you still wear his bracelet?"

" To remind myself to never let anyone get close enough to me to break my heart like that again. I don't want the pain of that ever again. I don't want to be in a relationship because I don't want to be broken again. I taped myself together, one blow and I'm down. I'd rather die alone than have the pain," I said. 

I read his mind. I knew for a long time that Peter loves me and I love him too, but like a brother. Peter can't stop me from reading his mind but he knows I do it. I know what he was thinking. I wish he would just go out and find another girl and forget about me.

I got up from the couch and walked into my bedroom and locked the door behind me. I haven't read his mind in a long time because I don't like to use my powers but what he was thinking startled me and made me feel guilty.

' I'd rather die alone and be close to you than be with any other girl.'

I don't want that. I want him to be happy and have a family one day. It just can't be with me. 

I laid down and fell asleep not caring that I left Peter alone. I know that he won't leave because he knows I'm upset. He just knows not to mess with me because I have broken a window with my mind one time when I was angry. 

I needed sleep anyway since I have to be at work early tomorrow since Fury said he had an important assignment for us. I did not want to disappoint him only first day at being an Avenger. 

A/N

I am sorry I haven't written in a while. I was in Disney World and I am completely backed up with makeup work. I am going to be writing more often again and I am sorry for the long wait. 

A lot of big stuff will be going on in the following chapters and I am very excited about. 

P.S. I was watching the Avengers while writing this chapter and I fount that very ironic.

Also if anyone would like to send me a new cover for this story I will be open to that.